Fall Obsessed!

It's Fall and here in Northern California that means crisp, clear blue gorgeous days.  We truly do have a fantastic Fall weather around here.  And I'm taking it all in with opened windows, cozy afternoon teas, long socks and soups 2-3 nights a week.  Love the sound of football humming in the background with wafts of simmering garlic and onions.  I may be a little obsessed, but I love it.  Now my Husband thinks otherwise....he comes behind me a closes windows when I'm not looking, hates soup, chowder or anything that you can eat in a bowl.  But, hey that's ok because we compromise and make it work.  I look at it this way.  I open the windows while he is at work and he closes them for me when he gets home....easier on me!  And when it comes to my love in a bowl...I add lot's of meat and something extra like a crusty bread or a salad with extras like marinated onions or artichokes.  
What are some of your Fall favorites for your bowl?

Don't Sweat the Bucket List

Making my Fall Bucket List right now....there are a zillion things I want to do.  I love this time of the year, the cooler weather, earlier sunsets, dinner from a bowl and snuggling with cozy blankets.  Not to mention college football, all the fun holidays and sweet traditions that swirl around this time of the year.  
So, what's on our Fall Bucket List....
Of course there are the usual things that are on everyone's list.  But this year I added a game night because those have been few and far between lately.  I added a flea market trip for Mahala since she loves doing things like that and for Kaden I added a few baking things.  We are going to make bagels, banana bread, pie, baked apples and homemade pizzas.  We are working on his life skills and cooking happens to be the main focus right now.  I incorporated night walks, bike rides and park days to stay active along with movie marathons and snuggly afternoons.  
Don't stress about these kinds of things, not everything has to be a Pinterest worthy moment...I mean look at my Fall Bucket List...so not worthy of the gram, but it will make for some amazing memories.  Don't miss out on those because you are stuck on the perfection of what you think it should look like.

A New Day....New Song

A wonderfully c-l-e-a-n classroom table is a Beautiful sight.  It was a beautiful sight while it lasted.  Now it's covered with art projects, vocabulary words, the Bible a few readers, pencils, markers, a planner, 3 cups and a pack of paper clips .  And I couldn't be happier....this is going to be our Best year.  This year our Family is Stronger, Happier and Healthier.  With this new peace I have room to breathe and my mind is clear to concentrate on my kids and still have strength to do all the other things I need to do each day.

Vietnamese Egg Rolls for Days!!!

I've enjoyed egg rolls for years, but it wasn't until I tried my father-in-law's Vietnamese egg rolls that I fell in love.  They are crispy, salty, earthy and porky...it honestly can't get any better. :)
I was thrilled when Mahala wanted to learn the exact way Grandpa made them and every time he comes to visit he makes them with her.

Ingredients

Pork Filling

• 2 lbs ground pork
• 1/2 cup dried Woodear mushrooms (re-hydrate in water for 30 minutes or until soften then finely mince)
• 2 oz dried vermicelli/cellophane noodles (approximately 1 cup, re-hydrate in water for 30 minutes or until soften then finely mince)
• 3 green onions (trim off ends and slice thinly)
• 1 small white/yellow onion (peel and finely dice)
• 1/4 teaspoon granulated white sugar
• 1/4 teaspoon black pepper
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
• 2 tablespoons of oyster sauce
• 1 beaten egg yolk (to seal the egg rolls)

In a large mixing bowl, combine ground pork, onions, mushrooms, noodles, all spices and oyster sauce. Mix until thoroughly combined.
Gently pull the wrappers apart. Set on plate and keep covered with a damp paper towel.
Place about 2 Tablespoons of filling on one wrapper and roll as show in the photo above. Before completing the roll, use a small amount of egg yolk to seal it. Continue until all wrappers are rolled.

Fill a heavy pot or wok with a few inches of vegetable oil and heat to approximately 350 degrees.  Fry egg rolls in small batches until golden brown, turning as needed. Place on cooling rack.  And serve wrapped in fresh lettuce leaves. 
This is one of our family's favorite meals, Enjoy!

Growing from Trauma

It was a week before I turned 13 that my Mom went to live with Jesus. I can't believe it's been 30 years. That seems like such a lifetime ago. I had just lost my Dad the year before and every since he went to live with Jesus I was running scared.  I was scared of everything, like a bundle of exposed nerves.

It took a long time to feel normal after my parents died, especially after Mom's death. But, I made it, it can happen. If anyone is reading this that feels like life will never be the same after you lose someone so close to you, someone that felt like you shared the same heart beat. You will, I promise...but it will take time. Allow yourself to take the time. Don't get wrapped up in the anger so long that it causes you to be a bitter, nasty person that cares about nothing and no one. I know a little bit about that. Even a little girl will go through the same process a 50 year old person would. Talk about it and surround yourself with people who love you. People who want what's best for you. I didn't have that when I was little.  I was surrounded by people who wanted to hurt me and abuse me.

After the reveal of my Husband's addiction and going through extensive therapy my eyes have been opened to the damage that was done to me.  That the lack of support, therapy, love and just being able to work through my emotions regarding my childhood has caused me to build walls around me so tall that I couldn't see the damage going on outside those walls.  The damage to myself, my kids and even the secret life my Husband was living so dangerously.

Every year since adulthood I become anxious a few weeks before Easter. Sometimes it's worse then others. The past few years though I have tried very hard to stay positive. I want to celebrate her life, not grieve the loss of her. After 30 years I'm finally able to do this. I'm able to appreciate the time I did have with her.  Mom was very sick, I basically watched her slowly die for 2+ years. So, I knew she was in a better place. She had left the pain behind her. But, the problem was I picked up that pain unfortunately where she left it. Sounds crazy I know. But I have done a ton of soul searching over the years. Lot's of personal therapy, journaling, EMDR, you name it...I've done it.   As a child and young adult I was all alone with my emotions, my fears, my pain. It was as though I became trapped in the fear, pain and worries of those last few years. Reliving it over and over, but involving the current life situations that was around me. Because life goes on....it will not stop just because you need it to do so. And time will never rewind, trust me I have tried to. I have begged and pleaded with God for it to happen, just once.  Since I was 12 I have been on medication for being Bipolar.....now I know that I was never Bipolar.  I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).  After all these years I am finally working on me and learning why I deal with life the way I deal with life.  Unlocking past trauma and actually working through it instead of stuffing it in a closet. 

Her name was Violet, it's a Beautiful name. It's the name of a flower and the prettiest color I know. The evening sky can be Violet and early morning before even the birds want to peak their little heads up out of their beds. Most importantly Violet was my Mom, she gave me life. She carried me in the warmth of her belly and nourished my soul with every deep breath she took. She held me tight when I was scared and chased away the monsters that hid in my closet. She kissed my forehead when I was sick in bed and let me stay up late when her and Daddy played cards. She laughed wildly I guess like I do now. Even though I can't remember the sound of her voice or the smell of her perfume I know that she was beautiful with a heart of an Angel. She was so kind hearted, always doing for others and giving of herself.
She will always be in my heart. And I want her to be in the hearts of my kids too. Which is why this year I am going to share some stories with the kids and look through pictures of her with them. I want them to know about her bravery as she fought for her life. I want them to know how kind her heart was and how generous she was. I want them to never forget the person who I called Momma.

Spread Some Love Your Way

Guys....I had so many cute Valentine ideas to do with the kids this year. Kaden is really into celebrations more then normal and I kind of wanted to take advantage of it. :)  But, honestly between the hourly essential oil rub downs, mounds of tissues accumulating around me like a Dr Seuss situation I can hardly give it another thought. If we do it, we do it and there is no shame or finger pointing. I’m the biggest finger pointer at myself... it’s in my DNA. But, days like today look so different then they would have 4 years ago. I have learned to just let go and practice self love. So, in this moment if you are struggling with sickness like me, finances, obstacles or just a never ending to do lists... just let go, love yourself where you are and accept the present situation for what it is, not what it’s not or what it should be.  We have to Love Ourselves Mamas!!!!

Not so Little RV Adventure~part1

So, it's been a few months since we have been home now from our RV trip.  Our cross country experience was amazing.....I was blown away with America!! 
While we traveled I journaled, took a ton of pictures and now I want to sit down and walk through it all with you.  I plan to share the Good, the Bad, the Ugly and the Extremely Ugly!!  I tried to post while we were on the road, but unfortunately with spotty internet connection, family adventures and mishaps I just didn't get it all posted.  Now I can take the time and redeem myself with sharing our Not so Little RV Adventure!!!

The Day Before we are set to leave we spend ALL DAY loading the last bit of stuff into our 2017 Thor Windsport.  We are ready to call it a night so we can wake up first thing in the morning and head out.  So, we clear up the boxes, wrappers and trash and Hubby goes over and pushes the Slide Button to bring in our full wall unit Slide.  And guess what?  It wouldn't come in....we tried and tried, over and over and then we heard a huge POP!!!  

Nearly 2 hours into talking with a service rep and trying to safely get it in far enough so neighbors wouldn't crash into it we were exhausted.  It was a Friday night, so we had to sit and wait until Monday to see if we could bring the Windsport in.  That was the LONGEST weekend, we were all bummed, just deflated really.  First thing Monday morning we called and they said we could bring it in Tuesday.  But, he warned us that if parts were needed it could take up to 3 weeks to get them in and installed.  Honestly we didn't have that time...Hubby was off on his Sabbatical, we had no other choices.  He was off and this was cutting into our cross country time. :(

See what happens that following day Next!

Big Trip Big Goals

Getting ready for our Big cross country trip has had it's ups and downs.  Mostly Ups as we learn more about the RV and planning our route.  I have changed our route 4 times already.....I'm at the point that I think we should just hop on the road and just go. :)  The route we are taking right now has us arriving at Disney World on the exact day we need to be there, so there isn't room for a lot of error.  This typically scares me because with Kaden things can change at any minute.  But, we decided if we need to change things up as we travel we can cancel the top portion of our trip on the East Coast....not a fan of that, but it is what it is.  

Our main goal for this trip is to figure out where and how to relocate.  Honestly we are ready for a change....ideally I would love 10 acres with a small house on it so that we could grow and raise our own food while making soaps and homemade things for extra income.  On the other hand we are really considering full time RV life.  We plan to look at a few properties as we travel and pray that the Lord will open our eyes to where he needs us most.  This next chapter in our lives promises excitement.....I can feel it!

The Green Blanket

The air has been much colder these past few days. Not only does the cold air mess with my lupus infested bones, but it plays with my mind too. I have a ton of bad memories that get jarred when cold weather hits.
One of the times that hurts was when it was just Skylar and I. I was a single Mom with that boy. A scared, single Mom all alone that did what she had to do.

Her Name was Violet

It was a week before I turned 13 that my Mom went to live with Jesus. I can’t believe it’s been 27 years. That seems like such a lifetime ago. I had just lost my Dad the year before and every since he went to live with Jesus I was running scared.  I was scared of everything, like a bundle of exposed nerves.

Birthday Love

Kaden is 9 now....time has flown by.  I remember just months ago it seems like that he was fighting for his life with RSV at just 6 weeks old.  And when he was diagnosed with Autism finally at 4, the relief was huge.  He's been through lot's of life moments both good and bad in his 9 short years.  I'm so thankful for every moment I have with him......even right now as I hear him pounding on his bedroom wall.  This morning has been a bit difficult, but nothing we can't handle as a Family.

Blast from the Past with an Update!

October 2013 
Have You heard that saying the Proof is in the Pudding?   I'm sure you have, we all have.  I said this to my Son today and my 13 year old asked me what it meant exactly.  I explained to her and she was like, what's Skylar's pudding going to prove?  I don't know....that's why the Cake will rise, the Froth will form, the Peaks will be beat!  Ok, maybe It's that time of the month and I'm overly dramatic and craving a ton of sweets.  But, You get the idea!!

Wedding Cake Pops...No Problem!

I'm pretty sure that I've mentioned that my oldest Son is getting married soon.....in a few days soon.  Being the Groom's Parents kind of puts you out of the loop because it's the Bride's show...kind of.  And I understand, every since Skylar was a baby I thought geez his clothing options were the adorable over the top baby suits, onesies, or jeans and basic T-shirts.  When Mahala came around my eyes were opened to color, dresses galore and baby bling.  So, how fun could it really be to dress up the Groom?  Well, we did spend the day looking at bow ties together......don't laugh!

Essential Oils for Headache Relief

Poor Mahala has had the worst headache ever for the past week.  It regain with her 3rd sickness she had within a month, so we figured it was part of the cold she had.  But, it was fierce and making it almost impossible to sit up or even move from the couch.
She took Tylenol, Ibuprofen, Peppermint Oil, even a Chiropractor visit....nothing was calming it down.  Last night I decided that we would take her into the Doctor the next afternoon.  And as a last resort I looked through my Essential Oil books and tried to find something additional I could do to give her some sort of relief.  Peppermint Oil ALWAYS takes away our Family headaches, which is why I tried that first....but, this time it wasn't working.

Twinkle Lights and Hot Chocolate

I am fighting this whole take down the Christmas Tree thing!!  I Love my Tree and all it's twinkly lights....I miss it all year long and once it's up I dread the day we have to pack it all up in plastic bins and stuff it in the back of the garage for the following year.  The kids tease me and say that I should leave it up all year.   Hmmmm, maybe they are onto something.
For now I am keeping it up and lite to enjoy the glow with my hot chocolate for just a little while longer. :)

School is Back in Session Today.....

Normally we take the whole month of December off.  But, since I was having some health issues we kind of took off a little earlier this year.  We started relaxing a bit before Thanksgiving and our Family was honestly better off for doing that.  I've learned over the years that nobody learns a thing if we are all stressed and irritable.  It's better to do what your capable of maintaining instead of what you highly expect from yourself and others. 
So, we started back today slowly.  We started off with our Favorite Breakfast....Bagel Egg, Sausage & Cheese sandwiches and slowly dove into School Work.  Mahala ran to her room to work on Biology while Kaden and I sailed through our day downstairs, starting with Math. 

Christmas Magic

Christmas is so magical to me...it's a time of year where the sights, sounds and smells take me right back to my childhood.  I'm taken back to before my parents died, before foster care and before the Christmas days that were just regular days.
Every year I try to channel my Mom and decorate and plan activities that my Kiddos will remember forever and ever.  I know one day they will pause during the hustle and bustle when they have families and remember sweet moments of their childhood Christmases. 

Exhaling Moments

Kaden the other day was practicing his Spelling words on a hand held white board.  As I was busy preparing the next subject he scrolled out this little precious moment and flashed it at me.  And just like that I melted back into my seat and exhaled deeply.  
I don't know about you, but I get so caught up in the busyness of life and lists.  I have to be constantly reminded to exhale and enjoy what God has so generously given me.  It's funny because with my other two Kiddos I can drill them right along schedule and not miss a beat.  But, Kaden being on the Spectrum is a total different story. 

Breakfast for Daddy

Kaden is still doing fine around here...knock on wood.  :)  We have been making little changes here and there and trying to be as consistent as possible for his daily routine.  We had a few extra things to do this week that wasn't in the plans...but, we were able to give enough notice to smooth right over the possible bumps and meltdown craziness.
One of the things we had going on this week was my Husband's Birthday.  Kaden was so excited about it and wanted to surprise Dad with an omelet breakfast.  Yep, he was the sweetest little helper and I must say he was focused and willing to participate in every area of the morning.

He cleaned and sliced mushrooms, made the spinach, shredded the cheese. stirred the eggs and poured them and flipped the omelet before he put it all on the plate.  He even walked it up while I brought the coffee and we served Daddy in bed.  I was so proud of him for showing love and compassion...he struggles with that.  But, today he was a super star and we all told him how proud we were of his hard work and participation in Dad's special day.  
Here are a few pics, I'll post more of that day later. :)

Back to Reality

So much to say and so little time to say it.  That is truly the story of my life.  We just got home from 10 days of camping and softball Nationals.  It was a whirl wind of both fun and survival.  It was cold, rainy, hot, long peppered with loosing games and meltdowns.  All in all though it was a trip I will never forget.  There were lessons learned and courses in life changed.  A lot can happen in 10 days.....now I have garbage bags of clothes that are calling my name and somehow some way I have to try to get some Back to School pep in our step.  :)