Little Ol' Me......

Several years ago I had this Buddy of mine who found tons of quizzes and fun tid bits of fun facts online.  Like every day we would chat numerous times a day, email back and forth and spend a fair amount of afternoons sipping coffee and chit chatting.  Of course that all happened between diaper changes, toilet cleanings and mystery goulash makin'.  One day she brought over this quiz about your name and what it means.  It was real generic, but had a website that you could go to for a more "in depth" look into the mystical powers of your name!  HAHAHAHAHA  We took it and I was pretty amazed.  But, there was a lot that I just didn't believe.  It said a lot of things that I would hope I was, but I couldn't see it.  Flash forward 10 years and I see it, know it and Believe it!  It's funny what the years can do to you.  Not only add a few wrinkles, but add some wisdom too.

The Green Blanket

The air has been much colder these past few days. Not only does the cold air mess with my lupus infested bones, but it plays with my mind too. I have a ton of bad memories that get jarred when cold weather hits.
One of the times that hurts was when it was just Skylar and I. I was a single Mom with that boy. A scared, single Mom all alone that did what she had to do.

Taco Salad Recipe and my Reason for Being Healthy

So, it's that time of year again....when everyone vows to loose weight and get healthier.  Counting calories and buying new workout wear.  Sweating like beasts and rubbing down aching joints the next day.  I've been there done that....now I'm looking for a lifestyle change, something I can continue while on vacation, sick, depressed, during softball season, on a picnic....I think you get the picture.  Many times one of these "life situations" would happen and my diet would fly out the window.  Over a year ago I started Trim Healthy Mama, lost 15 lbs and then went on a month long camping trip that ended with Disney.  I was only on the THM plan for about 2 weeks before we left and about a week into vacation I dropped THM and grabbed a handful of hot dogs to sooth the pain and guilt away.  

Her Name was Violet

It was a week before I turned 13 that my Mom went to live with Jesus. I can’t believe it’s been 27 years. That seems like such a lifetime ago. I had just lost my Dad the year before and every since he went to live with Jesus I was running scared.  I was scared of everything, like a bundle of exposed nerves.

God Shaped Hole

Every since I was knee high to a grasshopper I’ve had a Special relationship with the Lord.  I remember nights singing to him until I would fall asleep.  I’d tell him all my secrets most little girls would whisper to their Barbie dolls or friends on the playground.  I would secretly pray to him when an ambulance whizzed by or when I caught a glimpse of tragedy on the nightly news.  
This all came about I’m sure because every single year I was in a new school, new town, new house….thanks to my Dad serving in the Navy.  I never connected with people, never had the sleepover, back yard birthday party experience.  It was just me, my parents, and the Lord.  I never realized how important my relationship would truly become one day.  How I would need to depend and lean on Him so much.  That one day I would not be able to breathe without him filling my lungs first.

The Sixes

I used to do this thing called My Sixes once a week.  So, here is a Blast from the past...... 

Six things I could live without, but really wouldn’t want to:
Flat iron for my hair
Make up
Internet
Tivo
phone
Flip Flops

Six movies I’ve never seen before:
Star Wars....close your mouth, it's ok
Braveheart
Mission Impossible...any of them
Psycho
The Godfather Series
Scarface

Six of my pet peeves:
Hearing someone crunch chips
People who do not move when an ambulance is coming
The sound wrappers make when people crinkle them
When people think I mean something I don't and they want let me explain what I do mean
Stains on my shirt even when I am so careful when I eat

Six things I really love doing:
Playing games with my kids
Blogging/writing
Reading
Shopping
Having my hair done
Did I mention shopping!?!?!

Six things I was into as a kid:
Barbies
Strawberry short cake
Slip N Slide
My little pony
Coloring
Reading

Six things I was into as a teenager:
Music
Writing
Tanning
Football games
New Kids on the Block
Shopping

Re-birth for the New Year

Has it truly been this long since I've checked in.  I guess I've been more Manic then I thought.  Truth is I have been taking care of business I have ignored for years.  I have finally listened to that still small voice that tells me what I should be when I grow up.  Yes, I'm almost 40 and I have re-birthed myself.  Can you do that?  Obviously so, because that's what it feels like.  I wish I could say it's less traumatic then the first birth.  But, I think everything has it's twists, turns, bumps and close calls.  
So, I have experienced rebirth through Christ when I was 16 and this past year I have re-birthed myself with the hand of God.  Now I feel as though the sky is the limit, nothing is truly in my way.  I was in the way all these years.  I have removed my fear and all the lies I've told myself and have totally been given a path to allow even my dreams to come true.  
I have lot's of things in the works.  The year 2015 is going to hold so many new things for me and my Family.  I can't wait....this is the first time in my whole life that I actually know that the New Year has more to offer me then the previous.  I'm Ready!

Looking through Windows

I'm almost 40 and every year that I reluctantly grow older I reevaluate my life and readjust who and what I allow close to me.  I thought when I was a young Mom in my early 20's I would have everything worked out by the time I turned 40.  HAHAHAHA  How funny are the lies we tell ourselves in our youth to sleep more soundly at night.  I longed for the day all my furniture matched, all windows had cute coverings and all my ends met without something having to be sacrificed.  

A long time ago I was 12 or almost 12...I revealed something horrific to my Mother.  It ended our relationship as we had known it for all the years of my life prior.  It was new now and was strained by my revealed secret.  As she screamed and cried I ran out the door.  It was the 1st of many escapes from my past.  I'm still running every time I get triggered, not in the same way but I'm running.  That day as I ran far away from our street I slowed down at a neighborhood.  All the houses mirrored one another, just different colors of trim or landscape.  The sun was almost completely gone and you could see right into their windows.  I was in awe at how happy the families looked sitting around the table for dinner.  Dad, Mom and Kiddos talking even laughing.  I wondered what they were saying....I longed for what they represented.  I felt so sad inside, dead almost to the point that I felt like I could have stood there all night and day and nobody would even know I was there.  As I walked down the sidewalk and looked at life carrying on with or without me I made a promise to have what I saw that night.  One day I will have a safe, loving family.  I felt almost like I was window shopping from house to house.  I left that night with an idea in mind and a goal in my heart.