Vacation Time on the West Coast

Trying to plan our annual voyage to Malibu.  Was late planning this year, so it looks like we won't be going till late summer.  But, we can't imagine not going.  Love, love, love this place!!!  I could live on the beach forever, unfortunately this beach is expensive.  Just give me a small patch somewhere, without so many digits in it's price. HAHAHAHA
We have such a fun time camping.  It ranks up there with holidays in my book.  I do have it down to a science now.  With packing, organizing and planning what we are going to do when we get there and on the way.  I'll post tips later when it's closer to time.  We will be going to the Redwoods in early summer, so I'll post then.  Redwoods are beautiful too.  We didn't go the last 2 years....I don't know why.  Just didn't make it.  But, when you are there you really can see the beauty God has created.  These trees are amazing, will take your breath away.

Well, I'm off to play play-doh.......

Which came First......

We are studying the Ancients right now.  There is a lot to learn from the people of long ago.  Listen at me, I can almost hear the harps playing in the back ground.
I wish I could tell you that we have a strict curriculum that we follow, but then I would be telling you a lie.  And we all know President Abe himself could not do it, so I shall not as well.  That is a whole other era in History, let's get back to the Ancients.
I hated History, I couldn't tell you who came first Columbus or Ponce de Leon.  But, I wanted a different experience for my kids.  Our kids are a lot like us, so I have a good feel on what may bore them and how to keep their interest long enough so they can get the most out of what I'm trying to teach them. I have used different curriculums and I decided about a month ago that I am going to start from the beginning of time and move forward.  We are using DK's Definitive Visual Guide and this amazing and HUGE timeline in a book form.  We use netflix, Internet sites and the library for extra sources.  It's been great, I feel the kids have learned more in the past few months then in the last 2 years as far as History goes. 
We read, take dictation, watch a documentary, discuss, highlight important people with a short biography and throw cooking or a craft in where we can.  I just feel like it's rounded out.  At least for our family it works.
So we finished the Roman and Greek times. The craft was to complete an art piece.  They made Mosaic tiles from construction paper.  Here are their finished pieces.
He was so proud of his art!!!!
Mahala being the overachiever did two pieces!


Skylar took the longest....he used a ruler and cut each tile separately to fit each spot.  He takes his time and does it right the first time.  He is not as fly by the seat of your pants like Mom & Mahala.  He made this for Mahala, she loves Yoshi!!!
So, there you have it folks.  We have now moved onto the Ancient Chinese.  I'll keep you posted!

The Tongue

Quick question this morning.....
I have noticed many, many of my friend's kids pose for pics along with their friends with their tongues sticking out to the side.  Some have goofy faces and some not so much.  Did I not get the memo about this being the cool thing?  Am I realllllly that old now.  Back in the day you wouldn't have caught me taking a pic with my tongue all flopped out of my mouth.  What gives?????

Little Ones

Simple things made us happy when we are kids.  A new box of crayons could have put a smile on our face at 4 year olds, like a hundred dollar bill in our hand would today.  Kids see joy in things that older people just walk right past.  A cardboard box gave Kaden days of enjoyment while my husband couldn't wait to toss it out on recycling day.  By the way I snatched it out of the garage before Skylar could put it in the bin.
It's fun watching Kaden focus on the ladybugs on a rose bush, foot prints he has made in the dirt, or hearing him count the clouds as he munches on a grilled cheese sandwich.  Having a little one around is wonderful!!  I know they are messy, loud and it calls for a ton of work. But, I learn a lot from him.  I learn how I should slow down, life is short.  Do, the things I want to do.  Don't fill my day full of stuff that doesn't make me happy.  Eat only when I'm hungry.  Learn constantly, never stop downloading new info.  And be willing to learn from others. Be creative and funny, smile at everyone...it's free.  And don't be afraid to fail.  Stop worrying yourself to death!  There are so many things my little man has taught me. So much love comes from him.  He is growing up so fast.  That's the thing, they are little for such a small amount of time.  I'm thankful we home school, because I can squeeze out as much time as possible with all three of my kids.  It's precious time.  

What I do Best

I think this has been like the longest time between posts ever. I have sooooo missed my spot in blog land. I just haven't stopped long enough to put together my thoughts.
Since my last post I have spent more time worrying and crying then not. Mahala went back in the hospital for surgery. Hip to hip....33 staples. They took the 10 inch mass, her ovary and tube. Thank God it had not reached into her uterus. Recovery was slow, but successful. She started softball last week and finally back at her girl scout meetings. We are doing school work full time and I feel like we are normal again. Or what we call normal, there is no normal. We were worried it was cancer, the doctors were thrilled to make that call to us for us to rush to the office. I finally could sleep again. I am grateful that she is cancer free. Now we just have to deal with the intestinal problem that she is still having.

Deflated

Yesterday Mahala went for her ultrasound.  The technician found at least 3 more masses around her right ovary. I want to call them cyst, but they haven't called them cyst yet.  Maybe they are fibroids, who knows yet.  All I know is that they cause her pain and when she feels pain I feel pain.  And my pain is in my gut, no medicine can help/  I'm freakin' crazy as it is.  Now I'm so anxious and worried that I can hardly focus on one thing at a time.  I feel I have so much too do, but all I can do is go over and over in my head what I heard during her ultrasound and what the pics looked like. And over analyzing where each pain is when she rocks herself on the couch in pain.  Worried with each meal she passes up and when she starts sweating I check her fever.  I don't want to leave her side even when she goes to the bathroom.
I have turned this situation into much more then it has to be I'm sure in my he.  Meaning that I think mentally I am that 12 year old little girl trying to save her sick Mother.  I failed back then and I can't fail now.  Now, I know this is all crazy talk and I could not physically save my Mom way back then.  But, that is what I actually believed when I was a young girl.  Kind of like if I clean my room, do all my homework and wash the dishes I can go hang out wit my friends mentality.  I knew that if I gave my Mom all her meds precisely the right amount and on a schedule she would get better.  If the house smelled like the inside of a Lysol can and pine trees she would live.  It says all hospitals trust it right on the can.  I tucked her in each night, even fluffed her pillow.  It made me feel better when she did that for me.  I made sure to give balanced meals, even if she couldn't eat and fresh water glasses every 20 minutes.  Fresh was better, it would heal her.  She could then be my Mom again.
I was so angry when she died, what did I mess up on, what more could I have done.  I FAILED!!!!!  I lived live with those words still.  I wish I could say that when I turned 25 I came to realize that I was just a child.  Part of me knows that, but deep inside I know I torture myself everyday, with everything I do.  This with Mahala is no different.  Which is why I am "on call" 24 hours a day.  I feel in my heart I control it all.  But, in my head I know that's not true.  And then I feel deflated, because I am just 1 person.  I realized that I do not control all, even if it is my own life I am trying to control.  No matter how perfect, good, precise, methodical, or clever you try to be, you can not change what is to be.  You can only prepare yourself to embrace the changes that will inevitably happen.

It's No Fun

,

So, she is home from the hospital.  What does that mean for us?  Well we sit and wait.  We wait for this foreign object that's deep inside her body to grow again.  Will it grow back?  We don't know.  So we sit and wait.  And life goes on.  That is the weirdest thing.  We think life should kind of stand still, like when a loved one dies.  We are almost shocked when we see someone laughing or a new movie comes out.  We tend to be stuck grieving or worrying.  Denial, I think is the emotion mixed with anger and grief. 

I walk around this house unable to think, I can't focus on a damn thing.  I don't want to do anything, yet I'm board. My kids need me and I feel so out of control because I am not able to protect my baby girl. 

When we left the hospital they still had No idea what this was growing inside her body.  All 6 Doctors said they had never seen anything like this.  Maybe that's why I feel so miffed.  I am a person that has to have an answer and if I don't have it then I find it.  On top of it all she has been diagnosed with colitis, so that's no fun.  I know, because I have it.  If you have it and you say otherwise you are full of shit.  HAHAHA  that's funny to me. :-)

So, I am thrilled she can be home right now and recuperate, I'm just worried that this is not the end.  I have been praying for all the parents out there who have children with illnesses that require hospital stays, drugs & tests.  The uncertainty they deal with everyday.  The struggles they face inside and outside the hospital.  Just know that I am one person, but I am praying for you. 

Collard Dreams And Black Eyed Wishes

 

New Years in the Hospital

Ringing in the New Year Hospital style.  This year of course was not at all how we expected.  We normal;y have a long list of traditions that we participate in.  Some may call them weirdo rituals I say I'm just southern and my family was too poor to buy fireworks on New Years so they decided to partake in every superstition known to man to ring in the New Year.

I was sooooooo worried about not having collard greens on New Year's Day and not being able to kiss a fool, AKA my husband at midnight I just knew 2011 was going to be doomed. Until a friend of mine said to me that I needed to just relax. She reminded me that every year since the day I popped out I have done the same thing.  Then she used the Dr. Phil method on me.  How's that workin' for you????? 

Everyone had to wear a mask while Mahala had her pic line changed.

Mahala's Pic line

Back to Normal....Almost

We are home and my sweet little darling is safe playing with her brothers. What a few weeks we have had. One can never truly prepare for a child having an unsuspected illness.
She was discharged and the plan is to have an ultrasound in a week and a half to see if the mass has grown. This week she will visit a pediatric gastro Dr. for her colitis. And will have an appointment with a pediatric OB Dr. next week. She still may loose her ovary and tube if the mass grows. We are not 100% comfortable yet, but she's home so we are more relaxed then what we were in the hospital.
Our home school group has blessed us with meals every night for the week. What a blessing too, I knew it would be helpful, but what a relief to not have to put together a dinner for the family when you are still so worried.
Today I made all of her appointments and organized what bills we have. I picked up the house a bit and looked through our calendar to figure out what outings we have coming up. We need to start doing some home school work by Wednesday, because her first appointment will be Thursday and I don't want to wait too long before we get back to some normalcy. I told her I wanted her to do reading and one other subject this first week.
I let Skylar go to the movies with one of his friends and then hang out with him all day. I know he has been under a lot of stress with watching over Kaden all this time. He was amazing, did more then I honestly imagined he could do.
Kaden has some kind of virus. I called his Dr. and he said if he's not better by Friday to bring him in. I tell you if our family doesn't get healthy in 2011 I'm going to screeeeeeaaaam!!!! It has to be better in 2011. Kaden is so happy having everyone home. I'm sure the virus he has is lingering because he's been stressed with everything that's been going on. Well, I'm going to try and hit the hay early tonight. Sleeping on a fold out chair in the hospital stinks!!!

Sit, Wait and Pray

How was your Holidays? I hope better then ours. My sweet girl has been sick and has now been in the hospital three days. Last Thursday we took her into the ER and they sent her home with so called constipation, but she did also have an elevated WB count.
Friday she was in so much pain it actually looked like child birth. She was throwing up with a high fever. We thought maybe it was a virus. On Christmas she couldn't even sit up, and you could tell she was dehydrated. We tried to get her to drink more and basically gave up on food. By Sunday I was terrified, because she looked so bad. After talking with her pediatrician he said keep pushing fluids, continue with the stole softeners that we were doing every day. Remember we thought it was constipation. On Monday I took her in and her WB count was extremely high and he sent us to the ER immediately. They did a ct scan and ultrasound and found a mass the size of a cantaloupe deep in her pelvis. It's pushing all her organs to one side and sucking the life out of her. It was also causing damage to her ovary and tube on the right side.
All day yesterday we have seen 4 specialists. They keep saying that they have never seen this in a child her age to this degree. They have decided to drain the infection around the abscess, in hopes that surgery will not need to be done or at least wont be so complicated.
All we can do now is sit, wait and pray. Sit, wait and pray.

Christmas Wish List

It has been a mad house here. I was sick for 5 weeks with bronchitis and pneumonia. And then right at the end I caught some kind of parasite.

Anyway here is a picture of Kaden on his dream toy. He swears up and down that Santa is going to hoist this truck off his sleigh and drag it thru our nonexistent chimney. And everyone that says hi to him or even turns his way gets an ear full of his Hopes and Dreams. So, since he is so adamant about this toy I have to say he is right. We bought it and have been hiding it so carefully, because not much gets past this little guy. He is like the eyes and ears of this family and he is only 3. So, he will see this big, ridiculously priced hunk of plastic early Christmas morning. It will make all the less expensive, but thoughtful presents look like dollar store rejects. But, I know the look on his face will smooth out the wrinkles of our credit card bill each and every month. Right?

Well, I am off to grade some workbook pages. The kids had it very easy the past few weeks. I did tell them that they will have to work right up until Christmas. They will get Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off of school. And they were okay with that. I will probably let them choose two subjects each day to complete during the week of Christmas. Oh, and they will have to do silent reading too.

Have a good night!