Cricket Legs

I just finished the last balloon. Now I have to wait until she is completely asleep before I can creep into her room and release them into her room. I wrote something sweet and special on each of them, I know she will be sooooo surprised. After presents I will make her traditional mickey mouse pancakes. I swear, she will never out grow this tradition. She will be 30 years old and I will knock on her front door with a plate full of mickey mouse pancakes. And you know what....I would do it in a heart beat and enjoy every minute of it. I truly love to go out of my way to make each of my kids feel special and loved.
Another thing we do every year is do a play by play of the last day Mahala was in my belly. I know it's crazy, but we do. Like this time 9 years ago I was walking the parking garage at the hospital. What is that I hear? You would like to hear all the details too?
Short and sweat version I'm sure.
I was ready to pop and with having some small health issues we thought Nov.8th was the day. After going to the Dr. and being prescribed walking until the contractions hurt they finally admitted me. It was around midnight when meds began running through my veins and the pain ran through my belly and down my legs. What had I got myself into?????
My Dr. had been at the hospital for nearly 2 days already so after coming in to see me she told me she was going to take a nap but that she was a call away. Okay, I'll be right here wanting to claw my loving Thanh's eyes out.
The most vivid thing about Mahala's big debut is the urge I had to be on my side and moving my leg up and down crazily. Kind of like a cricket, I swear it was totally involuntary. Thanh still will make fun of me for this. Whatever! After her nap she came in for another looksie. This time she was concerned about my blood pressure, but thought there was still time before the Big Show to happen. So she was going to take a shower and grab a bite to eat.
My leg was just a going and my belly pain was so intense. I kept saying that I had changed my mind, I couldn't do it anymore. Too bad, this was it. I told Thanh to get the Dr. it was time. The nurse came in and told me that there was no way it was time. That the Dr. had just checked me. After a few maybe not so Nice words I convinced her to check me. The leg was moving like wildfire and the burn in my belly was way beyond any pain I could ever imagine. The not so nice nurse spread my cricket legs open and there was no need to even check my dilation. Mahala was there ready to make her debut. Stubborn little thing said she was going to come out when she was ready and that time was now. The nurse yelled for back up and for someone to find the Dr. How funny that I, the mother was right. LOL The show was on & the Director was gone to take a shower. It took 4 people to hold my cricket legs down. HA HA Through the, I can't do this screams I saw the Dr. She was soaked, water dripping down her face. Her scrubs stuck to her thin body, but she looked like an angel.
Mahala cried beautifully at 6:04 am Nov.9th. The most beautiful sight for my sore eyes. When she came barreling out my placenta broke so the Dr. looked up at me and said,"this is going to hurt worse then birthing your baby girl. But, I have to do this." I remember thinking, what is she going to do to me. Well, one minute she was down at my feet and the next we were eye to eye. She reached into my already on fire vajay-jay all the way to her elbow and scraped all the placenta and whatever else out of me. She did it twice because if any would have been left it could have been very dangerous. It was over and now it was time to heal and see my sweet baby girl.
So, that was how she came in to my world, Thank You Lord for giving her to me.

A Day for Apologies

Yesterday was destined to be a good day. We had things planned; I had a breakfast date with a friend and Mahala was testing in gymnastics. School work was going to be light and I was going to write a great blog post. What happened!?
Well, Kaden had a ruff night, God bless him. And Hubby was staying home again from work, the bug has him baaaaad! So I was on the phone with a friend talking over brunch plans when I heard someone beeping on the other line. I looked at the caller ID and noticed it was Skylar's RSP Teacher.  I forgot I had a call with her and our other Teacher at 8:45. It was now 9am, whooopsie!!! So, I got off my call in a hurry and then apologized like crazy. Come to find out the RSP Teacher had forgotten too so I wasn't the only one late, thank gooooodness.
As we were going over what we had been learning over the past few months I could hear the normal rumbles from my sweet family. All of a sudden Mahala came storming into my bedroom screaming and crying.
I told them that I needed to go, my daughter needs me. That was all I said before I heard Mahala scream that he was dead. Oh Lord, who is dead I thought. After briefly saying bye and apologizing once again for our only 6 minute phone conference I rushed to her side. It was her hamster, the hamster that has had like 20 different names. The hamster that she had just spent all of her birthday money on to spruce up his hamster crib as she calls it. This will be her first pet that she has ever lost. Inside I was thinking, what if this would have been Rocco? He is her baby, she would give that dog mouth 2 mouth if he needed it. I know, siiiiiick!
So, after we took a look at the little guy Thanh wrapped him and took her outside to bury him. I watched from our balcony as she dug a hole and laid rocks all around the tiny grave site. She even made him a head stone. I could hear her sobs and she apologized for not taking better care of him. I was pleased to hear Thanh correct her and gave her a beautiful pep talk that seemed to dry her tears briefly.
She came back in and went straight to bed, her heart was truly broken. We talked about how for the past few days he had so much fun playing with his new toys she had bought him. We went over the whys and where he was right at that very moment.
Oddly enough my friend was going to get her another hamster after brunch for her birthday. Then she would have had 2 little hammys. We decided to tell her and explained that it wouldn't be replacing him and if she would rather wait we could do that too.
She decided around 3pm that she would like to be a hammy mommy once again. We took her and she decided to get a different breed, so they would look totally different. After explaining to the lady what had happened we might have found out what killed him. Maybe?! Hamsters should not eat pine or cedar, it's actually dangerous. One of the little log/play things Mahala bought him was from that store and she told me to look at the ingredients. PINE was the #1 ingredient. She said that it is a product for hamsters, even though it's not suitable for them. Can you believe it is still on the market?

Birthday Sprinkles

I am DONE with my Christmas shopping. Yes, you are right! I am completely done, wrapped and all. We had some tax refund money that came in from last year. We were late. We are always late, that's the kind of people we are. LOL
So, I went to just a few stores after making careful lists. Came home and within 2 days it was all wrapped, put in black garbage bags and hidden in the closet. It's so nice to know it's done and now I can just enjoy all the fun traditions with the kids.
Right now they are all out at the church enjoying the trunk or treat carnival. I stayed home because I can not afford to get sick right now. Instead I am making a rainbow cake for Mahala's birthday party tomorrow. YEAH!!! She is turning nine, time goes by too fast. Her actual birthday isn't until next week, but this was a weekend that everyone could get together.
So tomorrow we will have our usual Saturday morning breakfast and then I'll give her one gift. I bought her a pair of black boots with fur lining. She is going to Flip, because she has really been wanting a pair. Don't you just LOVE when you can get your child exactly what they want. I told hubby that this year, since money is so tight I would rather get them one or two things that they want instead of a bunch of cheap, little stuff that they never even asked for. So, we did and I know they will appreciate what they are getting.
On her real birthday I am going to fill her room with balloons in the middle of the night and on them I am going to right I love yous and positive things about her. I bought the helium tank at Sam's last week. I can't wait to see her face. Each year I try to do something special like that. Then I will make her her usual mickey mouse pancakes and open presents. That night we will go out for dinner and have cake when we come home. It will be exciting to see her sweet face.
So, there you go folks. Enjoy your Halloween night! Manic Mom needs to go check this cake and sprinkle my Magic on it!

Golden Gate Bridge

Well, our weekend started early this week. Hubby finished a project at work early so they gave him Friday and Monday off. Yipeeee! So, what to do when you have nooooooooooooo money but crave some get the hell out of dodge time. Well, back in March we had a home school field trip and after we paid for admissions the lady said if you spend $20 more you can get a membership for a year. Normally I say no thank you. But, I asked what having a membership would get me. She went over all the goodies and then showed me this heck of a long list of museums and science centers that were included. SOLD!!! We love this kind of stuff. And I recognized a ton of the places.
Well all year we haven't used it once, partly because of the coffee house drama and the other part was all of our camping trips. So, now was the time. So we woke up early Friday morning, AKA 9:30 am. LOL, we watched movies late the night before.
And headed to San Fran!! We took the kids to the golden gate bridge and the park. We had lunch, that I brought from home. Then spent the afternoon at the Exploratorium for FREE! Got to LOVE that!!! Then we spent the early evening at the pier and then had dinner. Now I didn't pack dinner, but I did bring snacks and drinks. So the whole day, including gas cost us under $100. We were thrilled, the kids needed to be kids and Thanh needed to enjoy a day of no stress. We were going to go to the CA Science center, but they closed early. We plan to go back in a few weeks and use our pass once again. We had a fab day. Check out those memberships people. Sometimes they really can save you, we saved over $70 at the Exploratorium. Today we are going to clean house and work on School work that we didn't finish in the car yesterday.

Lupus sucks once again

Howdyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!
Today has been interesting. I woke up to a cold house and dogie pooooooooo everywhere. Yipee, right? I had a Dr. appointment at 9:30. I was running late as usual. So I grabbed Skylar out of the bed(couch) so I could drive in the car pool lane. Yes, I did do that. And you would to if you were going to have to sit in traffic and be late to my Rhummy's appointment. She is like GODZILLA, I swear she enjoys it when your in pain. LOL
I am now home, wondering what I am going to do now that I have received not so good news from the Rhummy. I do have fluid in my lungs and she says that the Lupus devil has now invaded my heart. Well, of course it has! I am so at a point right now that life couldn't get too much worse. I have my family, right? Nobody can take that away. Right now I am contemplating going to the ER or waiting to see my primary. How it was explained to me by my Rhummy and her side kick Rhummy was that it's like I'm having a non-terminal heart attack with every heart beat. That sounds fun. Kids, don't try this at home. The rest was like BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. Yes, it almost sounded like that to me. I will keep posting as I learn more info.
It's funny how no matter how you feel mentally or what your plans for the day are, your body has it's own agenda. It does what it wants to. You can only do what you can do, to be as healthy and positive as possible. I have a week full of things to do and if my body says nope, your in the bed this week. Well, then there you go. It used to bother me when my Mom was sick. Because I thought she had a choice. Like maybe she was making excuses because she didn't want to go here or there. She didn't want to play a game with me or watch me ride my bike. And then when she died I wondered why she didn't take better care of herself. Why didn't she try harder, why didn't she love me more. These are the questions of an 11 year old girl. Now as a Mom I understand the struggle. I understand the fight inside that my Mom must have felt everyday, every time she had to tell me no. I have to tell my kids no several times a day. Most nights I can't tuck them in, they tuck Mom in. It's embarrassing, my Mom must have felt that embarrassment too.
She died so young and I know she fought a hard battle. I pray that God numbered my days high, so I can see not only my kids grow but my grand kids too. People often ask me how I get through all the pain of having Lupus. I do live with pain daily, not a day has gone by since March of 2004 that has not been filled with pain. Pain reminds me that I'm alive, I have another day with my family. And that I am thankful for.

Little Coffee House of Horrrrrrers!

I have totally been wrapped up in my life these past few days. I wish that I could tell you I'm nursing a sunburn from sitting on the beach for a week. But, noooooooooo that would be a lie. And I my friend do not tell lies. I speak of truth....HA HA.
So what do you want to hear about first? There is sooooo much to tell. Most important is that we are going to lose our house! I know, I know, to most people that would be hard to swallow. But, I have been through so much in my life that this is like putting on another hat. The "oh, I better make a plan and get all my blocks in one sock" hat. Yeah you know which one I'm talking about, we all have one. And that is what I am doing right now, getting my ducks in a row.
I can't remember if I ever told the story of our financial night mare or not. If I have scroll down, I would hate to bore you again.
Thanh and I used to talk about having a small coffee or tea house. A friend had told me about her sister selling her coffee house. How neat I thought- HA!
A few days later I went to a local coffee house. For some crazy, mutated, unexplained reason I asked if they were family owned. I told them I was interested in opening up a place of my own one day. The employee said that the owner was her father and that they were thinking of selling. RUUUUUN, I SHOULD HAVE RAN LIKE THE WIND!!!
I met with the owner and he laid it on pretty thick. He told us that he had a leg injury that was causing him to think about selling. He said business was great, but he couldn't keep up anymore with his growing responsibilities at church and his injury.
Long story short we bought with cash a business that was supposed to be bringing home around $1,800 a day. Instead we went into MAJOR debt with a coffee house that brought in around $700 a day. We had to take loan after loan out to cover the bills.  We had to walk away from it all because the money is gone. No more people, not a card left to charge. It's been a few months since we've closed the coffee house doors. And now we are going to lose our home. I'm ok with it now, because there are no more tears left to shed. It can only get better from here. Right?????
The old owner never put us on the lease. He lied in so many ways. All the money we gave him to swap names on the lease and deposits was all pocketed. Most of the appliances did not work properly, espresso machines included. There were bills left for goods that needed to be paid or we wouldn't have product to sell. I mean it was a mess!!!!

Pale Purple Light

If you asked me what my favorite part of the day is, I would have a fast answer for you. It's when the pale, purple light fills the room. I'm not quiet sure even what the exact time of the very early morning that is. But, it's where the night meets the morning. It's when the lonely turns into comfort. Where the danger melts away and safety grows strong. Death becomes life again! I love the pale purple light. It gives me comfort and joy. And tonight I think I understand why. Which is why I decided to write about it instead of sleeping.
I know that I am weird, I admit it. But, I find safety in my weirdness. It's what reminds me that I am alive. I can probably account for all the places I have seen the pale purple light. Crazy, right?
Tonight I laid down in bed and I closed my eyes. I breathed slowly and listened to the wind rock the porch chairs that lined our upstairs balcony. I opened my eyes and turned towards our bathroom. The moon shined it's beautiful light onto the wall. It wasn't real pale purple light, but close! And for about 10 minutes I went back in time and remembered the comfort and joy I once felt when the night meet the morning light.

I was in Titusville FL the first time. We had a neighbor that had kids, but they were a little older then I was. Let's call them Sue and Tom. One night after playing at my house with Sue on my new slip and slide I went to her house for a sleep over. Sue and I was up all night giggling and eating candy. We played card games and barbies. Her brother. Tom was probably 3 years older then me. During the night he came into his sister's room and well you can imagine. That night he let his fingers do the walking. I was there confused and wide awake after he was done exploring my young body. Was he going to come back? What was going to happen next. Waiting I remember looking out the window towards my house. I remember thinking about my parents, imagining them snug in their bed. I thought about my canopy bed and my doll house, how I would do anything at that moment to be home. And then it happened, the darkness turned into this beautiful light. It comforted me as I watched this oblivious girl's room fill with the pale, purple light.
When I was in foster care several times I was under attack. There was this older couple that anyone would think was the sweetest old couple in the world. Well, the man of the house used to sneak into the girls room at night and do things I rather not talk about. Some of the girls would cry as he raped them with hairbrushes and hair spray bottles. He would take turns, sometimes we would get lucky and our door would remain shut all night. I would sleep in the middle of my bed with a jacket on. My social worker thought I was crazy and the man's wife used to give us girls a hard time about it too. If I could just get through the night tonight, I would say to myself. Us girls would whisper to each other waiting for the door to open. But, then it would happen. The Pale Purple Light and I would know that I was safe, at least for another day. There were countless other times and places where I experienced the pale purple light and many of the times as a struggling teen I was fixing my night clothes, washing myself or just plain paralyzed with disgust. But when it came I knew it was over for the night and I knew it was safe to sleep.

Tonight it hit me, I understood why the pale purple light was so comforting to me. Because all these years I knew that if I saw the light it was safe to close my eyes. I could relax myself and nothing would happen. It is painful to write this but rewarding too. Uncovering why I am who I am is worth my weight in gold. Wow, that's a lot of gold.

Pain, Pills & Tears

It has been a long few days and I just wanted to pop in and say hello. Boy was I excited to see all of the sweet comments. I appreciate them all and so does Skylar. I read them out loud so he could hear them in the other room. I have over 300 emails right now and when I glanced at them yesterday I recognized some familiar names. I promise to reply to them all as soon as I can.
As far as Skylar goes the weekend was full of pain, pills and tears. Monday I took him to the Dr. and he explained that because the break was on both sides of the bone, one a little higher then the other he may can get away without surgery. Once a week we will have it rescanned for the next 6 weeks. If at anytime it looks like it's slipping apart then off with the cast and surgery he will go.
The cast was painful; it goes from toe to upper thigh. Yeah, that was embarrassing, the Dr. joked to kind of make the situation a little lighter.
I say all in all he's doing as good as can be expected. I have pictures that I will download, can't break your leg and not document it, right?

So, besides taking care of Skylar and getting an average of 4 hours of sleep each night we are going strong with homeschool. Even Skylar did his work today. Yes, you read right. I made the boy do his schoolin' today. I told him that he didn't break his head so he could crack open a book today. LOL, please tell me your laughing too. He's been screaming child abuse for 2 days. Yesterday I was getting him out of the van to go into the Dr's office. I almost pulled off his stretchy shorts and then stepped on his good foot. Then when we were leaving I accidentally pushed the button that automatically closes the van door when I was looking for my cell phone in my purse. His leg was hanging out, Poor boy. That could have been ugly. I took him out for lunch and a milk shack to make up for my almost killing him.

I'm off to make dinner, Lord Knows I hate making dinner. Ta Ta for now!

When it rains it pours

WOW, what a day I had yesterday! It was busy as usual, nothing to out of the ordinary. Then we left for gymnastics. The kids were so excited to hit the gym. We got there and Skylar was out on the floor first. His warm up was great and then Mahala was off to start her warm up. Next thing you know one of the instructors came up to me and said they think Skylar had broken his leg. No body in our family has ever broken anything, so I was not familiar with what I would have to deal with. He was all scrunched up on a stack of mats trying to hold back tears. They told me he did a front flip off of the spring board and landed with his knees too far forward. God love him it took 4 guys to situate him just right in the van. They were very careful and calm. Mahala decided to stay and finish her class, which was good because I could just focus on Skylar. The ride seemed long and very bumpy. We got there and I ran in to get help. They sent out a stretcher and took him right in. He screamed almost at the top of his lungs in pain. It was hard to watch. The meds seemed to take the edge off, but he needed more like every hour, so the doctor was anxious to see what was going on in that leg. We were there nearly 3 hours before someone from the ex ray department came. After the ex rays Thanh and Mahala walked in and then the doctor told us the news. He broke his Tibia in half. Half way up his leg, right on the shin. He's probably going to need surgery, we aren't for sure yet. I hope not, but if he needs it he needs it. So, for the next 3 hours we waited and waited and then finally they put a splint on from his ass to his toes. He had to turn onto his stomach and I thought he was going to break a window he cried and screamed so loud.
I asked about meds, because at this time it's after midnight. They told me a 24 hour pharmacy is like 35 min. away. Are you kidding me? I was hoping they would send me home with a few to get me through the night. Thanh was pissed. Thank God I basically have a pharmacy at home and I had plenty of Vicodin to share. And don't worry I made sure the prescription was the same.
So, we finally get home. Thanh and I prop him up in the rocking chair down stairs. I gave him more meds and ice. We decided to give him my cell phone so he could call Thanh's upstairs and I would come help him. Night Night, right? Wrong!
We walk upstairs and Thanh says I should tell Anna we are home, because she was very worried. I knock on her door and I told her everything that happened. She said she needed to use the bathroom, so I followed her out into the hall behind her. The light was off and as we were still talking she said that she couldn't see. I thought it was because the light was off. She started swaying back and forth and I was like quit playing around. She didn't say anything and then fell face forward on the desk and then back into my arms. I lowered her to the ground and hollered for Thanh. I thought she was having a seizure, because I couldn't see. Thanh turned on the lights and her eyes were wide open and she didn't answer us. I was terrified. After a minute she was like what happened. She was white as a ghost! She had a banana and some Gatorade, because she said she hadn't ate since like 4pm and it was a pack of cookies. Lord it scared me! Say a Prayer for Anna today.
What a night!!!! Finally we went to bed. Poor Skylar had to call on me 4 times that night. Today has been hard for him. Please Pray for him. He needs peace of mind, and strength to get through the pain. Please Pray that his bone heals properly and that Monday the Dr. says he doesn't need to have a rod put in. I need Prayers too. My body can only take so much. I need strength to get through the sleepless nights and strength to help move him.

Priceless Giving

So, Friday night Thanh and I went out to dinner for his Birthday!!! The restaurant we went to was not very impressive. And we actually left more hungry then we were when we walked in. How does that happen?
So, for my Birthday present I told you all that it was TOP SECRET! I have a hard time keeping a secret when it involves presents and my family. Christmas is sooooooooooooo hard and the kids know it too. I couldn't for the life of me think of an amazing gift that would knock Thanh's socks off but not break the bank.  I arranged for one of his Best Buds from Him school to come for a visit.
We have had so many obstacles and negative situations in our life for a good few years now. And I know that it takes a toll on you after awhile. Which is why I wanted to give him a BIG surprise. He recently started talking to his friend again after not seeing him in 8 years. Life just built this wall around us and we have focused on family and getting by one day at a time. They were friends through high school and college. And after college we went to CA and he went to TX and now lives in Minnesota. When I contacted Todd he was so happy and more then willing to come out for a weekend. And even better he was scheduled to fly out here for work in a few weeks. So, his job will be paying the ticket we just have to pick him up on Fri. and take him back on Sun. It just couldn't be any better. And now that he knows how close we are to his CA office we are sure to see more of him.
I gave Thanh his card and told him that I had a present for him, he looked over at me and I held up a sign that had Todd's name on it. I swear he had tears in his eyes. So the fact that we were hungry didn't really matter, because he was so excited about hanging out with Todd. I did good this year, now I have Mahala's Birthday next. Yipeeeeeeee!!! I love surprising my family. Seeing their face light up and watching their eyes shimmer with delight is priceless.

My Life Your Life

It has been a week since I've written anything. This has been the longest week too. What have I been doing?

School has started and I don't even have all of my books yet. How can that be possible? In the land of Manic Momma anything is possible I guess. So success has not been lurking in our classroom. We have started on a novel and Spelling assignments. We started out German lessons yesterday. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell ya. I don't have enough to do, so I decided to add German to our curriculum this year. LOL!!! We are actually excited about it. My father was part German and I thought it would be cool to dig a little deeper into the German culture. Anna also knows German, so while she is here I thought we could use her knowledge as well.

Gymnastics.....Oh how Mahala LOVES the sport. And listen here when I tell you that she is pretty damn good at it too. She has Never been interested in any sport. She didn't even watch the Olympics. So I have never pushed a sport on her, why make a fuss I always thought. Her instructor last night told me she was a natural and with her determination she thought she could make team. WOW, that sounds cool. So for an hour and a half I sit on the sidelines in aw as my baby girl tumbles, stretches and glides across the balance beam. And to make life even more of a joy Skylar is doing it too. Yep, you read right. Last week I asked him to sign up for at least the free class. And reluctantly he did, I had to push him out onto the mat. After class he was so excited and the instructor told me they were moving him up to a level 4. We can then decide if we would like to put him on a team or not. Level 4 begins the competitive level, but you can choose to stay recreational if you want to.

Thanh's Birthday is Wednesday. But, tonight I am surprising him with dinner. I have an extra something that I am going to surprise him with too. I can't say right now. He may read this and I can't let him find out until tonight. HE HE HEEEEE.