Growing from Trauma

It was a week before I turned 13 that my Mom went to live with Jesus. I can't believe it's been 30 years. That seems like such a lifetime ago. I had just lost my Dad the year before and every since he went to live with Jesus I was running scared.  I was scared of everything, like a bundle of exposed nerves.

It took a long time to feel normal after my parents died, especially after Mom's death. But, I made it, it can happen. If anyone is reading this that feels like life will never be the same after you lose someone so close to you, someone that felt like you shared the same heart beat. You will, I promise...but it will take time. Allow yourself to take the time. Don't get wrapped up in the anger so long that it causes you to be a bitter, nasty person that cares about nothing and no one. I know a little bit about that. Even a little girl will go through the same process a 50 year old person would. Talk about it and surround yourself with people who love you. People who want what's best for you. I didn't have that when I was little.  I was surrounded by people who wanted to hurt me and abuse me.

After the reveal of my Husband's addiction and going through extensive therapy my eyes have been opened to the damage that was done to me.  That the lack of support, therapy, love and just being able to work through my emotions regarding my childhood has caused me to build walls around me so tall that I couldn't see the damage going on outside those walls.  The damage to myself, my kids and even the secret life my Husband was living so dangerously.

Every year since adulthood I become anxious a few weeks before Easter. Sometimes it's worse then others. The past few years though I have tried very hard to stay positive. I want to celebrate her life, not grieve the loss of her. After 30 years I'm finally able to do this. I'm able to appreciate the time I did have with her.  Mom was very sick, I basically watched her slowly die for 2+ years. So, I knew she was in a better place. She had left the pain behind her. But, the problem was I picked up that pain unfortunately where she left it. Sounds crazy I know. But I have done a ton of soul searching over the years. Lot's of personal therapy, journaling, EMDR, you name it...I've done it.   As a child and young adult I was all alone with my emotions, my fears, my pain. It was as though I became trapped in the fear, pain and worries of those last few years. Reliving it over and over, but involving the current life situations that was around me. Because life goes on....it will not stop just because you need it to do so. And time will never rewind, trust me I have tried to. I have begged and pleaded with God for it to happen, just once.  Since I was 12 I have been on medication for being Bipolar.....now I know that I was never Bipolar.  I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).  After all these years I am finally working on me and learning why I deal with life the way I deal with life.  Unlocking past trauma and actually working through it instead of stuffing it in a closet. 

Her name was Violet, it's a Beautiful name. It's the name of a flower and the prettiest color I know. The evening sky can be Violet and early morning before even the birds want to peak their little heads up out of their beds. Most importantly Violet was my Mom, she gave me life. She carried me in the warmth of her belly and nourished my soul with every deep breath she took. She held me tight when I was scared and chased away the monsters that hid in my closet. She kissed my forehead when I was sick in bed and let me stay up late when her and Daddy played cards. She laughed wildly I guess like I do now. Even though I can't remember the sound of her voice or the smell of her perfume I know that she was beautiful with a heart of an Angel. She was so kind hearted, always doing for others and giving of herself.
She will always be in my heart. And I want her to be in the hearts of my kids too. Which is why this year I am going to share some stories with the kids and look through pictures of her with them. I want them to know about her bravery as she fought for her life. I want them to know how kind her heart was and how generous she was. I want them to never forget the person who I called Momma.


Smart Kidz Radio~ REVIEW

A few years ago I was able to try out Smart Kidz Media library of digital media resources and we loved it.  Recently I learned that they have developed many award-winning educational products since I was first introduced to them.  Today I get to tell you about their newest addition, Smart Kidz Radio.  This radio station is designed for children ages 3-12.  All of the songs on it are original songs that were created to teach children life skills while promoting positive self-esteem/character traits and strong moral values.


Northwest Treasures ~ REVIEW

I remember teaching about dinosaurs to my 2 older kiddos just randomly.  No real lesson or real substance.  Along comes Kaden though with a million and one questions.  Questions I had never even given much thought to.  For the time being doing a little research helped quench some of those questions.  Recently, though we were given the opportunity to watch the introductory video Taking the Mystery Out of Geology and to take the Dinosaurs and the Bible course from Northwest Treasures

No Longer Little: Parenting Tweens with Grace and Hope~ REVIEW

http://schoolhousereviewcrew.com/wp-content/uploads/Book-No-Longer-Little-by-Hal-and-Melanie-Young.pngWow, my kids ages are all spread out; 24, 18 and 11.  That is why I feel like a new parent all over again with the challenges I have with my youngest.  Luckily I was able to Review No Longer Little: Parenting Tweens with Grace and Hope from Great Waters Press.  This book is geared more for parents of tweens ages 8-14.  It's crazy how spot on some of these chapters are.  If I could wrap this book up in one sentence it would be, a bird's eye view of what may be plaguing your tween.  Ok, maybe plaguing is a tad dramatic, but not by much. :)  Honestly this book should go home with your sweet little bundle after delivery for future reference.  Within these chapters bellow parents are given much needed encouragement, practical tips, and strategies for dealing with changes and emotions your kiddo may be going through in this point of their lives.

Love, Honor, and Virtue: Gaining or Regaining a Biblical Attitude Toward Sexuality~ REVIEW

http://schoolhousereviewcrew.com/wp-content/uploads/Book-Love-Honor-and-virtue.pngEvery now and then I get to review something that I truly need.  This particular review I have for you today was a prayer answered.  I have always admired Hal and Melanie Young from afar and dearly enjoyed their book, Raising Real Men.  My oldest son is now married and my daughter is 18 and looking towards college.  Which leaves me to my last kiddo, Kaden who is 11 and on the Autism Spectrum.  Life with him is all kinds of different, but we still need to talk, teach and lead him through many of the same things we did with the older two.  But, this time we need help and guidance.  The things we worry about today with Kaden I didn't have to worry about with my oldest son.  With all this to say I am beyond thrilled to have the chance to review Love, Honor, and Virtue: Gaining or Regaining a Biblical Attitude Toward Sexuality from Great Waters Press.


Thinking About Bringing The Bento Back

~For awhile I made Bentos for everyone in the family for lunches.  Recently I was looking through old pictures and posts and came across this one.~  

Bentos this week so far!  I took a few weeks off and Kaden acted like I was depriving him of Fresh water.  This Kiddo is Crazzzzzzy about Bentos.  Can you blame him though.  Everything is Bite size and cute.  It's easy to eat and usually there is no mess.  He is a Boy child.  And you know a Boy Child can be a little on the messy side and clean up is not their favorite thing to do.  Actually that might be just a "child" thing :D


Progeny Press~ REVIEW

I'm happy to be Reviewing another product from Progeny Press, The Green Book - eGuide.   We already owned The Green Book which is geared for grades 3-5, but I enjoyed reading every minute of it... so did Kaden.  We like the whole Sci-Fi scene and this one delivered without a lot of craziness, kind of low key. I was introduced to Progeny Press several years ago, they are an amazing company that provides Study Guides for Literature, from a Christian Perspective. They have Study Guides for over 100 different books, from the Classics to the popular novels you see everywhere today.  Their prices are affordable for what you get and I have always been really impressed with the Quality of each of the products we have ever used.   


Math Refresher for Adults~ REVIEW

Who has a Math phobia or has forgotten everything you learned in high school Math class?  I do!!! :)  Are you returning to work, enrolling in college or you just want to help your kiddos with their Math homework?  The list goes on and on of great reasons to polish up on your Math skills.  I have always had a Math fear, it is legit, my hearing goes, my head gets fuzzy and I start sweating just turning on a Math tutorial video.  I have problems, I know..... but recently I've been embracing the scary and trying to put my Math blues behind me.  I have been using the Math Refresher for Adults from  Math Essentials and written by Richard W. Fisher.


Bible Study Guide For All Ages~ REVIEW


We read scripture almost daily around here and we have tried many Bible curriculum in our homeschool.  Recently I heard about Bible Study Guide For All Ages for the first time ever and I've been using the Advanced (5th and 6th grade) level with Kaden for a few weeks now.  This specific Bible curriculum can be used in a group setting or individually.  


RV Camping Questions

Quick little update..... we have been camping many many times since we bought our RV.  We camped maybe 3-4 times a year when we were tent camping, but now we go at least once a month except in December and January.
I have been getting a ton of questions on social media regarding camping life with a child with Autism.  In a few weeks I planned on compiling the most common questions on here.  If you have a question leave it hear and I will post my answers.


Calming the Everyday

Do you ever feel like you have multiple lists, zillions of ideas and loads of to dos that you don't know where to start?  I feel this daily which is why I eliminate all the noise in my life.  Unnecessary noise like reality tv, the news, social media in excess, commitments that are not necessary and toxic relationships.
I also added daily traditions and moments that bring simplicity, peace and clarity to my soul.  I can not live a day without high vibration music, scripture reading and affirmations.  Deep breathing, meditation, clean food and essential oils and herbs all develop a much needed rhythm to my life.  It becomes second nature over time to reach for a pillow and practice 10 minutes of deep breathing when something out of your control happens.  Or when the vibe is low in the house and tension is thick to run my diffuser, turn up some high vibe music and open my Bible.
Passing these life tools to our kids is so important .  In the past if it was a stressful day we would medicate with food or numb out with tv.  This was how I grew up and I realized in my early 30's there was a better way to handle the ups and downs in life.  
How do you deal with the stress of life?  What are some techniques that feed your soul and calm you?