And God was There all Along!

We had recently moved a few months before I found out about my Husband’s addiction.  There was a church SUPER close to our new house, like i can almost see the lights from the end of my road.  We had been going to church off and on for years.  I grew up in the church and I have valued my close relationship with the Lord my whole life.  I am here to tell you I have been in situations in my life that I would not have escaped if there was no God.  I will scream from the roof tops that I know there is a God and he has literally had to carry me much of my young adult life and all of my childhood.  Life just has not been smooth sailing for me and I look at it usually as time to strengthen my relationship with God.

So, back to the church….it was a church that we had went to a few times, because we knew we were going to be moving there.  When I say we I mean mainly the kids and I.  My Husband usually made excuses as to why he couldn’t go.  One of the most common was our youngest with Autism couldn’t handle the noise and wouldn’t dare stay in the nursery or kid classes.  So, when we did go to church he would stay home and watch porn watch our son.

I remember the Sunday before I found out I went to church with the kids minus the little guy and Husband of course.  I remember singing and praying.  I prayed for the same thing over and over.  I bet you can guess what it was about….my Husband.  I would always pray that the Lord would soften his heart.  To keep him safe in all that he did and that he would find happiness in the kids and I.  Over and over I would ask the Lord to help me be a better wife, so that my Husband would love me and want to spend time with me.  I would beg God to help my Kids behave and to give my Husband the eyes to see how amazing they really were.

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