The air has been much colder these past few days. Not only does the cold air mess with my lupus infested bones, but it plays with my mind too. I have a ton of bad memories that get jarred when cold weather hits.
One of the times that hurts was when it was just Skylar and I. I was a single Mom with that boy. A scared, single Mom all alone that did what she had to do.
One particular night I can think back to sleeping on a couch in an abandoned house. Just my Skylar and I. After safely leaving his birth father I kind of drifted from place to place. We stayed in a few different homeless shelters, slept in cars or other random places. But one place in particular stands out. There was this house that was back off of the road some. It was beautiful despite it being abandon. The structure was good, it really just needed attention. Some big time attention.... and a contractor. :) I remember the smell, old grandma's purse meets musty basement. The walls were bare, not even paint or wallpaper. I think the moisture and wear and tear caused it to all waste away. The carpet was so thin it looked like a green blanket on top of wood. There were lots of little rooms, Skylar would run from room to room with me chasing him. We had a mattress, a chair and this couch covered with a fabric that felt like velvet covered in this flowery print. We were in business!! I had even found a cooler out back that we used to keep things cold, God provides people, God provides!!
I thought of this place as mine, my first home. I found things to spruce it up and make it more livable for Skylar. He was around two when we were in that house. I still have pictures he drew when we were there. One particular night it was cold, so cold I thought we were going to freeze to death. This house had no insulation. You could hear the wind rattle the walls. The windows were those slated windows, common in Florida for porches or sun rooms. I remember holding Skylar tight with him towards the back cushion and me on the edge. I prayed to get through one more night. I knew with each moon came a sun, so I just had to buckle down and wait it out.
Now the reason why I kept in the shadows and didn't make our need so evident was because I feared that Skylar would have been taken away from me. And I had just spent almost 7 years of my life in Foster Care. So, that night while Skylar was bundled up and wedged into the couch I sat up and mapped out a life plan. Yes, I was big on having a goal. I would even have goals for the day. I knew I had to move forward I could never relax, that just wasn't me. This my friends is why I didn't stay homeless. I had goals to reach and a baby that needed me to reach them. Looking back right now, this very moment as I type this I realize that this too is why I'm the person I am.
I remember that night trying to figure out how I was going to get us into a house with electricity. A house with a real bed and a tv. I decided to try and go to college. Perfect, but how was I going to do that? I ended up going to a community college for almost a whole year. But, God had other plans for me....He always provided for Skylar and I as He does now for Our whole Family. It's amazing to look back on a difficult time in your life and to see how far you have come.