Huge Autism Meltdown

A huge Autism meltdown around here makes us all react....even the paint on the walls look a little more haggard after an explosion.  When it's just the kids and I we can coast through it and come out only slightly battered.  But, when Dad is home he reacts like a moth to a flame.  It's not really his fault, I think it's DNA or at least that is what I tell myself.  Let me just say there is a reason why 80- 90% for special needs parents seek out a divorce attorney.  It sucks to even think about, but honestly it has crossed my mind more then I would like to sit here and count up....it would be impossible to count them all.  

So, why and how am I still here with a wedding ring?  God, my healthy outlet of painting and getting out my feelings with writing, journaling and talking to a few chosen people I can trust.  I realize life isn't easy, for me it never has been and that's ok, I have accepted it.  For now in my life I can either exist and run away or I can look toward the lights in my life and thrive along with all the baggage I'm toting around.

Can you guess why I'm writing this?  If you guessed a huge Autism meltdown.... you would be Correct!!!  Kaden is safe, settling down with Dad and I'm in the front room with a sparkling water with sliced grapefruit and writing this.  Did I think about walking out?  I thought about running out screaming, especially when Hubby and I started to throw words at each other about who could have done this or that to prevent this whole meltdown.  But, if you know someone with Autism...you know there really isn't much if anything you can do to prevent a meltdown most of the time.  

And you know what?  My heartbeat isn't pumping in my ears anymore, I have stopped crying and sweating and I actually feel like I can head back out and finish the dishes.  But, you know what?  I'm going to take a few extra minutes to sit here, take some more deep breaths, read a few verses and be thankful for all the other moments I have had with Kaden without a meltdown.  And when I do leave this room I'll go up to my Husband, hug him and we will talk about what happened and how we can handle things differently.  Communication is so important in a marriage, in any healthy relationship.  That, the Lord and a strong coffee!