So, today started at 5am...I don't even get up for Disneyland at that hour. It's gross and icky, but he could not get back to sleep so we welcomed the morning early. I thought it was going to be ok, he stayed busy, cooked breakfast for the whole family, and then boom. I was doing school work with him at my desk and knocked my glass of water over. It went everywhere and he started getting overwhelmed as I was rushing to clean it up. I had to make the decision to save my laptop from drowning in water or console him. I verbally checked in with him at the same time the phone rang....of course. He ran out the back door as I threw some towels down onto the water.
Our yard is fenced in but, I needed to make eye contact. I found him huddled behind our garbage cans. I could tell he was safe to leave and go clean up my mess. By the time I was done, he was on the trampoline and after a few minutes looking at the flowers in the garden he was good to go. He came back in and we started back with school. After watching a short video and starting our lesson he lashed out and me and started screaming. After correcting the behavior he stood up and flung the chair at me running to the other room as he pounded his face with his fists. All the while screaming at the top of his lungs. He rammed his head into the wall twice before Mahala could get him on the ground.
We were trained on how to restrain Kaden when he self harms. We used to do this 6-8 times a day, now we can go a few weeks, But, not a day goes by for the past 8 years has this child not had a meltdown of some kind. It is exhausting....and so lonely. Who would understand this mess. On social media I post him gardening, cooking, doing school work, playing, creating.That is such a small part of our lives, honestly people can't handle what we deal with unless you are a special needs parent. He has so many wonderful qualities about him. I love that child with all my heart, I wish he could lead a typical life.
That child of mine came to me after a 2 hour meltdown of him thrashing around, kicking his sister in the stomach and saying some pretty hurtful things to himself with his head low. "I am sorry... I wish I did not feel this way. Forgive me, I can do better." He held me for almost 10 minutes, that's a big deal...he's not a hugger. We talked and tried to figure out what happened, why did he just flip like a light switch?
It's been over an hour now, he has apologized, ate lunch and now laughing and playing basketball with his sister. And you know what? I was about to go and take a picture and post it on instagram. Nobody would ever believe what has unfolded here in our home in between pictures. They just wouldn't be able to handle it...sometimes I wonder if I can even handle it.
Lord give me strength, guide my hands to help him and guard my mouth so my words are encouraging. Please fill my heart so I can love him like you do.
No comments:
Post a Comment