Prep and Plan with God

Showered and dressed....no make up, but ready to start the New Year's Eve preparations.  Food, games, movie watching and did I mention food?  Oh and we will fast forward through all the garbage to watch the ball drop in New York at midnight.  

I remember a time when I had so much anticipation and wonder for the New Year.  This year is different...I have a plan of action for my life and our Family.  We have BIG things coming up.  Moving to a low key destination, becoming more self reliant, finally finishing my book.  All this while we wrap our arms around God as tightly as possible.

It's all really exciting and not overwhelming like it would have been 2 years ago for us.  I believe we feel this way because we aren't trying to be in control.  Trying to be the one in control has been our problem in the past, giving up control has freed us from ourselves from messing everything up.  God already knows the beginning and the end, so why should we stand in the middle waving around our 2 cents.  

As for me and my household, we will serve the LORD. Joshua 24:15


Glittery Breath of Stars

We always say that we will do xyz when we lose weight, get that new job position, have more money, more time or the kids are in school or out of the house.  And sometimes we aren't given a choice, we are forced to do xyz out of circumstance.

My xyz was to grow Spiritually, I wanted to know things.  I wanted to experience inner peace or at least be in the room with it minus Kung Fu Panda playing in the background.  I just figured one day I would get around to it.  That it would become a priority when there was a free spot in my schedule.

My first meditation experience was almost like a roller coaster ride.  It was full of highs, twists, turns and at the end I floated on the effervescence of inner peace all day.  I was so surprised of the mind blowing theater system I obviously have been toting around with me my whole life I had to call my therapist.  She confirmed I had a reel of unlimited tickets to my own personal mental theater.  Now, I have to tell you I have never studied Meditation, Spirituality or anything really that would make me an expert in anything I write here on this blog.  These are just my own thoughts and opinions.  I have locked up my feelings and denied myself the ability to share my thoughts and experiences because I knew I lacked text book knowledge.  That's part of my broke down core values I have cleaved to since birth.  But, through the Miracles I have experienced this past year I have let those go, healed my heart and washed my soul.  This is why I can share my process with you now.

My first experience was pure relaxation.  It was just me, my eyelids and the night.  Being my first time I didn't use a mantra or chant anything special I just sat there and breathed.  I knew how to breathe, actually my therapist told me I was a pro at breathing.  In the beginning I didn't think it was much of a compliment.  But, now I know Breathing is life....all of life.  It's the difference between life and death.  And before last year I wasn't living...just existing.  Ok back to the meditation....I looked forward with my eyes closed.  Because of my trauma therapy I had been doing for a few months I was used to relaxation techniques by now.  And my favorable eye position(I will explain all of this later in another post) was straight ahead, right between my eyebrows.  And as I sat there and breathed deeply and slowly I imagined white light entering my body with every inhale.  And the white light supported me and filled me with love and awareness.  When I exhaled I envisioned different negative words that had filled my head my whole life.  I was ready to let go...halleluiah!!!

As I was enveloped with warm fuzzy self love I noticed something shoot across my line of vision...my closed eye vision.  I focused on it for a breath and then all of a sudden I noticed my view widening to see not just one little dot, but thousands.   And I saw a bright blue, glowing ring at my right side.  It felt like I was in a warm bath, I had nothing but peace and childlike feelings of bliss.  I thought Wow, this is really happening!  As I continued taking in the love and light a glittery, gold shimmering wave filled the sky I had developed on the inside of my eyelids.  I formed pictures and patterns.  I saw this huge Tiger and it looked as if it was trying to comfort me.  I felt a sense of kinship with him, there was love in his eyes.  Protection in the Tiger's movements....I was thinking really this is happening?  I could have stayed in this place for days, it felt like there was no time there only pure joy and fulfillment.  

With several more deep breaths I opened my eyes.  I was instantly aware that my skin was warm to the touch, even sweating a bit.  There was a tingling sensation around my head and my arms.  I remembered vividly what just happened it was an experience not a dream.  I went to write my experience down and I looked at the clock.  More then 5 hours had passed, I thought it was 20 minutes at most.  I was shocked to realize how much time had passed.  

What an experience....I at first thought how can people do this every single day and get anything else done.  I honestly thought everyone had this kind of experience right out of the gate.  But, not everyone does.  Meditation for me is a daily thing, twice a day you will find me soaring through the stars in my head.  Not 5 hour long trips all the time.  Sometimes it's a Blessed deep connection with God and I'm focused on scripture or my daily mantra.  So many options, so many outcomes that all begin with just one breath!