Journey called Life

I heard from my Dr. yesterday evening. And she squashed my dreams of laying off some meds for awhile. Poo Poo on her I guess. She told me that I hadn't been off of them long enough to start feeling the pain that would arrive if I didn't get back on them quickly. But, I swear I almost feel normal today. I made breakfast & cleaned with no pain. Just a tad tired, but nothing too bad. After we worshiped the Lord I wrote out & organized a whole weeks worth of school for both of the kids. When I say organize I mean worksheets, labs, projects, daily assignments, assessments, attendance & free time crafts assembled for when they get done early. Can you believe that??????? Most days I plan the day of & I'm usually in bed or laid up on the couch. Tell me there isn't something to this & I'll laugh in your face! :-)
After the school stuff I did Mary Kay stuff, made lunch, clipped coupons, started laundry, cleaned my purse, played play dough & puzzles with Kaden & still had energy to hang out with & friend over dinner. After dinner I bathed Kaden & played with him before we watched a movie with the kids. Now it's 8:45pm & I have some soreness & I am more tired. But, Most normal days I wake up more tired then I am right now.
So, she wants me to have my pharmacist fax the request to her personal fax & she is going to call with an appointment for this week. I really don't want to be a in a slush of pills for the rest of my life. But, I'm worried to not listen to her, because the fear of the pain & danger is so scary. Doctors definitely have a hold on you when there is an unknown. We don't know a lot about autoimmune diseases.
I am thankful for today, it was nice to feel normal & alive. To be able to move freely & without worry & concern. I hope tomorrow will be the same, how exciting it is to go to sleep tonight in hopes that tomorrow might be a present like the past few days have been. What if my Lupus is going into remission finally after five long years? It would be unbelievable, but graciously excepted.
I know I am bouncing off the walls here, my thoughts are everywhere. It's just that I'm hopeful & excited. Yet, scared & fed up. What a mix, don't you think?
All I can say is Lord, give me strength to get through what you have planned for my life. And help me be able to not only wear a smile, but help others through this journey we call life.