Yesterday was a great day, I enjoy just being with the Family. Our family is a very laid back family. We don't need to spend money together or separately to have a good time. We read together, watch movies, play games. You name it we can do it together. We enjoy being relaxed on the weekends. My parents were kind of like that too. It is said that you raise your family how you were raised.
So, last night after tucking everyone in; husband included....I watched tv till like 2am. I was tired, but I just couldn't release myself to the sandman. I snuggled up to my stack of 3 pillows and tried to drift off. My thoughts were racing and I started to feel that overwhelming feeling of loosing control. I know I have not came right out and said it, but I do suffer from Bipolar disorder. I know....what don't I have? I'll tell you, I don't have a non supportive Husband. He helps me soooooooo much with dealing with my mental crap. I could not have asked for a more supportive man to be by my side.
I know why I had a flare, that's what Thanh and I call it. It's because my Dad died on November 18th. And even if I don't even pay attention to the months or days, it never fails that around certain times of the year I start to have mental flares left and right.
I have dealt with being Bipolar since I was 10 or 11 years old. Crazy, right? I've been on meds since I was 13 years old.
So, last night I suffered with a flare until 5:30 this morning. I was nauseous, scared, sad, angry, heart raced, felt paranoid, grieved and even felt a tad of euphoria all at the same time. And then finally I passed out from exhaustion, thankfully.
You are an amazing woman. Doing all that you do, with all that you deal with in your life never ceases to amaze me and keep things in prospective for me.
ReplyDeleteP.S. You did receive the payment for the Mary Kay right?
Come get your bling!
ReplyDeleteI think flares are in the air. I have been dealing with a big one once again on top of a sinus infection.
ReplyDeleteChronic Chick Talk
Hey Sheila,
ReplyDeleteI am a fellow med taker. I take meds for anxiety/panic and depression. I'm sorry you had a bad night. I do agree that there are certain triggers. I hope today is better.
I hear ya Sister. I have BP disorder myself. I am going through the down side now and it's not fun. Havne't had mania for a long time. I wish I would go high instead of all this downer crap. It's more fun until the crash happens! UGH!
ReplyDelete