Finding Peace Amongst the Stucco

Being on this trip has opened my eyes to a lot!  Honestly, this should be a prerequisite in life....get an RV, some road maps, limited funds and see the country.  I think it's because we have soooo many distractions in the "real world".  We allow non-important things to take our focus away from what really matters the most.  For me that's trying to be better then I'm even capable of being..... expectations through the roof!  That's seeing my child with Autism as a round peg that I'm trying to squeeze into a neurotypical square hole.  That's me basing my Marriage on Ideals I've made up in my mind through dreams, shows, self-help books and once again the almighty expectations that I've glued my life together on.  
Living day to day in a 4,000 sq ft house in Suburbia where everything is manicured and everyone smiles makes a person look at themselves with criticism on their tongues, no matter how ridiculous it may be.  It's real, the need to be better...perfect...other then who you woke up as is strong.
Now, strip away the house, the Whole Foods, internet, nosy neighbors, to do lists, running water, reality tv and add an RV, some spotty cell phone reception, a generator, sunscreen, maps, Family and time.  This will give you a wake up call.   That first morning that we were on the road I woke up and thought....is this legal....can we just drive around and live out of this thing....are we qualified?????  Here we are week 5 and I'm more in-touch with who I am then ever before...sounds crazy I know.  But, I've lived a life of pleasing others and living up to unobtainable expectations.  Only recently through my Husband's addiction have I regain self worth and took my life back that I so freely gave away as a child. 

So, what does this look like?  For me it has given me Freedom to spend my day on my terms, for my benefit....not just the benefit of others.  I have reconnected with Nature....being Native American feels real to me now.  Used to it was just something I knew I was.  But, to walk where possibly your ancestors have walked and to be surrounded by untouched nature in the Smoky Mountains that once surrounded them brought it to life for me.  Being there aloud dots to be connected and peace filled me.  I live in an area where the support sticks are bigger then the actual trees.  I'm surrounded by stucco, roads, people and things to do next a mile long.  But, for me to truly Thrive and not just Live I need Nature, Peace and Solitude. 

Being on the road we would wake up each morning and look forward to where we were going, discovering places on the road and off the beaten path have been therapeutic and healing for my heart.  I'm sad that it will end soon.  I could spend the rest of my life doing this.  Hunting, Collecting and Creating Moments to share with my Family.  No more will I worry about what I don't have or what it may look like to others when Kaden is having a meltdown.  I will not get caught up in the act of rushing through my to do lists or sign up to be apart of every Bible study, book club or play date.  As long as the Lord has me in Suburbia I will be creating my own little piece of Nature and Solitude right there in the middle of all the crazy....

1 comment:

  1. Love it and love you! So glad this trip has been stretching you, teaching you, and healing you! I am honored that I got to squeeze in a few hours and meet your awesome family!