Why she put the Pillow over my Face

When my parents died I stayed with a cousin for a short time in Florida until school was out, then I stayed with a family friend until all Hell broke loose. (more on that later)

The night I was placed in the Foster care system was a night I will never forget.

I was a scared child with a heart so filled with guilt and sadness that I hardly even sounded like a child. I didn't look like a child. I was a child, a child that had a story. And this story she wanted to share but who would listen? Who cared? Who would save her?

This is my story and I am ready to share. Once or twice a week I am going to step back in time and go through my past. It is a dark, scary road. But it is my road.

The night I was placed in Foster Care was very cold. I had been to the movies with Kathy(a friend of my Mom's who had died the year before) and a friend of mine. I will call my friend Red. Red and I were great friends. We were "sad" buddies. Our lives sucked so we enjoyed what we could about life together traipsing around town, doing things I would kill my daughter for if she did them.  But, that was where I was in life.  

We went to Kmart after the movies and Red bought a pack of cigarettes. Yes we were only 14 at the time.....  After shopping we were leaving and Kathy saw Red's cigarettes. She accused her of stealing them and she honestly had not done so. Red handed her a receipt to prove it. 

Kathy was ranting and screaming and Red was pissed. Kathy took her home and I started arguing with her about how she was accusing Red. And remember I was 14, friends are everything at that age and she was so important to me.

We got home and Kathy had a nervous break down. Later as I grw older and wiser I learned she had an issue with pills, alchol and a long list of mental ilnesses.  All of this was not known by my Mom and Dad, they hadn't seen her in years before they had died.  

Anyway, she had freaked out on me before but this time was different. She started telling me how my family didn't want me and how lucky I was that she even took me in. She started throwing things at me as she screamed at how stupid I was. Why?? I kept screaming. Why are you doing this to me? Her husband tried to calm her down but she kept on. I sat on my bed as she covered my face with pillows and hit me. Her husband called the police while hot tears pored from my eyes and my breath hurt inside my chest.  When they got there she left my room and I locked my door. I remember praying to God asking why, why is this happening. 

I begged to die, I didn't want to exist anymore.

The police tried to come into my room and after I wouldn't let them in they called Child protective services. While they were on the phone they asked if they removed Kathy if I would come to the phone. I agreed. As I answered the ladies questions I could hear Kathy screaming. She stormed into the kitchen, took the phone from me and started to beat me repeatedly in the face and shoulders.  They got her off of me and I laid on the floor in the laundry room waiting for them to get her out of the house.

An hour or so passed with paper work and a ton of questions. They hauled her off, I could tell Richard was so sad, he loved me I knew it. She loved me too, I don't know to this day what happened to cause her to spin out of control.

All I had was a backpack filled with clothes and a tooth brush as we backed out of the long driveway to head towards safety. Lord please give me peace, please.  That was all I needed was a little safety and peace.

This weekend I will finish the story. It does bring up a ton of feelings for me. I am just glad to be at a point in my life that I feel I can get this out. I'm working on a writing piece and need to get things out and in the open.  So the next few months that is what I'm going to do.  I hope everyone finds a little peace this weekend!!!  ((hugs))