Pale Purple Light

If you asked me what my favorite part of the day is, I would have a fast answer for you. It's when the pale, purple light fills the room. I'm not quiet sure even what the exact time of the very early morning that is. But, it's where the night meets the morning. It's when the lonely turns into comfort. Where the danger melts away and safety grows strong. Death becomes life again! I love the pale purple light. It gives me comfort and joy. And tonight I think I understand why. Which is why I decided to write about it instead of sleeping.
I know that I am weird, I admit it. But, I find safety in my weirdness. It's what reminds me that I am alive. I can probably account for all the places I have seen the pale purple light. Crazy, right?
Tonight I laid down in bed and I closed my eyes. I breathed slowly and listened to the wind rock the porch chairs that lined our upstairs balcony. I opened my eyes and turned towards our bathroom. The moon shined it's beautiful light onto the wall. It wasn't real pale purple light, but close! And for about 10 minutes I went back in time and remembered the comfort and joy I once felt when the night meet the morning light.

I was in Titusville FL the first time. We had a neighbor that had kids, but they were a little older then I was. Let's call them Sue and Tom. One night after playing at my house with Sue on my new slip and slide I went to her house for a sleep over. Sue and I was up all night giggling and eating candy. We played card games and barbies. Her brother. Tom was probably 3 years older then me. During the night he came into his sister's room and well you can imagine. That night he let his fingers do the walking. I was there confused and wide awake after he was done exploring my young body. Was he going to come back? What was going to happen next. Waiting I remember looking out the window towards my house. I remember thinking about my parents, imagining them snug in their bed. I thought about my canopy bed and my doll house, how I would do anything at that moment to be home. And then it happened, the darkness turned into this beautiful light. It comforted me as I watched this oblivious girl's room fill with the pale, purple light.
When I was in foster care several times I was under attack. There was this older couple that anyone would think was the sweetest old couple in the world. Well, the man of the house used to sneak into the girls room at night and do things I rather not talk about. Some of the girls would cry as he raped them with hairbrushes and hair spray bottles. He would take turns, sometimes we would get lucky and our door would remain shut all night. I would sleep in the middle of my bed with a jacket on. My social worker thought I was crazy and the man's wife used to give us girls a hard time about it too. If I could just get through the night tonight, I would say to myself. Us girls would whisper to each other waiting for the door to open. But, then it would happen. The Pale Purple Light and I would know that I was safe, at least for another day. There were countless other times and places where I experienced the pale purple light and many of the times as a struggling teen I was fixing my night clothes, washing myself or just plain paralyzed with disgust. But when it came I knew it was over for the night and I knew it was safe to sleep.

Tonight it hit me, I understood why the pale purple light was so comforting to me. Because all these years I knew that if I saw the light it was safe to close my eyes. I could relax myself and nothing would happen. It is painful to write this but rewarding too. Uncovering why I am who I am is worth my weight in gold. Wow, that's a lot of gold.


Pain, Pills & Tears

It has been a long few days and I just wanted to pop in and say hello. Boy was I excited to see all of the sweet comments. I appreciate them all and so does Skylar. I read them out loud so he could hear them in the other room. I have over 300 emails right now and when I glanced at them yesterday I recognized some familiar names. I promise to reply to them all as soon as I can.
As far as Skylar goes the weekend was full of pain, pills and tears. Monday I took him to the Dr. and he explained that because the break was on both sides of the bone, one a little higher then the other he may can get away without surgery. Once a week we will have it rescanned for the next 6 weeks. If at anytime it looks like it's slipping apart then off with the cast and surgery he will go.
The cast was painful; it goes from toe to upper thigh. Yeah, that was embarrassing, the Dr. joked to kind of make the situation a little lighter.
I say all in all he's doing as good as can be expected. I have pictures that I will download, can't break your leg and not document it, right?

So, besides taking care of Skylar and getting an average of 4 hours of sleep each night we are going strong with homeschool. Even Skylar did his work today. Yes, you read right. I made the boy do his schoolin' today. I told him that he didn't break his head so he could crack open a book today. LOL, please tell me your laughing too. He's been screaming child abuse for 2 days. Yesterday I was getting him out of the van to go into the Dr's office. I almost pulled off his stretchy shorts and then stepped on his good foot. Then when we were leaving I accidentally pushed the button that automatically closes the van door when I was looking for my cell phone in my purse. His leg was hanging out, Poor boy. That could have been ugly. I took him out for lunch and a milk shack to make up for my almost killing him.

I'm off to make dinner, Lord Knows I hate making dinner. Ta Ta for now!


When it rains it pours

WOW, what a day I had yesterday! It was busy as usual, nothing to out of the ordinary. Then we left for gymnastics. The kids were so excited to hit the gym. We got there and Skylar was out on the floor first. His warm up was great and then Mahala was off to start her warm up. Next thing you know one of the instructors came up to me and said they think Skylar had broken his leg. No body in our family has ever broken anything, so I was not familiar with what I would have to deal with. He was all scrunched up on a stack of mats trying to hold back tears. They told me he did a front flip off of the spring board and landed with his knees too far forward. God love him it took 4 guys to situate him just right in the van. They were very careful and calm. Mahala decided to stay and finish her class, which was good because I could just focus on Skylar. The ride seemed long and very bumpy. We got there and I ran in to get help. They sent out a stretcher and took him right in. He screamed almost at the top of his lungs in pain. It was hard to watch. The meds seemed to take the edge off, but he needed more like every hour, so the doctor was anxious to see what was going on in that leg. We were there nearly 3 hours before someone from the ex ray department came. After the ex rays Thanh and Mahala walked in and then the doctor told us the news. He broke his Tibia in half. Half way up his leg, right on the shin. He's probably going to need surgery, we aren't for sure yet. I hope not, but if he needs it he needs it. So, for the next 3 hours we waited and waited and then finally they put a splint on from his ass to his toes. He had to turn onto his stomach and I thought he was going to break a window he cried and screamed so loud.
I asked about meds, because at this time it's after midnight. They told me a 24 hour pharmacy is like 35 min. away. Are you kidding me? I was hoping they would send me home with a few to get me through the night. Thanh was pissed. Thank God I basically have a pharmacy at home and I had plenty of Vicodin to share. And don't worry I made sure the prescription was the same.
So, we finally get home. Thanh and I prop him up in the rocking chair down stairs. I gave him more meds and ice. We decided to give him my cell phone so he could call Thanh's upstairs and I would come help him. Night Night, right? Wrong!
We walk upstairs and Thanh says I should tell Anna we are home, because she was very worried. I knock on her door and I told her everything that happened. She said she needed to use the bathroom, so I followed her out into the hall behind her. The light was off and as we were still talking she said that she couldn't see. I thought it was because the light was off. She started swaying back and forth and I was like quit playing around. She didn't say anything and then fell face forward on the desk and then back into my arms. I lowered her to the ground and hollered for Thanh. I thought she was having a seizure, because I couldn't see. Thanh turned on the lights and her eyes were wide open and she didn't answer us. I was terrified. After a minute she was like what happened. She was white as a ghost! She had a banana and some Gatorade, because she said she hadn't ate since like 4pm and it was a pack of cookies. Lord it scared me! Say a Prayer for Anna today.
What a night!!!! Finally we went to bed. Poor Skylar had to call on me 4 times that night. Today has been hard for him. Please Pray for him. He needs peace of mind, and strength to get through the pain. Please Pray that his bone heals properly and that Monday the Dr. says he doesn't need to have a rod put in. I need Prayers too. My body can only take so much. I need strength to get through the sleepless nights and strength to help move him.


Priceless Giving

So, Friday night Thanh and I went out to dinner for his Birthday!!! The restaurant we went to was not very impressive. And we actually left more hungry then we were when we walked in. How does that happen?
So, for my Birthday present I told you all that it was TOP SECRET! I have a hard time keeping a secret when it involves presents and my family. Christmas is sooooooooooooo hard and the kids know it too. I couldn't for the life of me think of an amazing gift that would knock Thanh's socks off but not break the bank.  I arranged for one of his Best Buds from Him school to come for a visit.
We have had so many obstacles and negative situations in our life for a good few years now. And I know that it takes a toll on you after awhile. Which is why I wanted to give him a BIG surprise. He recently started talking to his friend again after not seeing him in 8 years. Life just built this wall around us and we have focused on family and getting by one day at a time. They were friends through high school and college. And after college we went to CA and he went to TX and now lives in Minnesota. When I contacted Todd he was so happy and more then willing to come out for a weekend. And even better he was scheduled to fly out here for work in a few weeks. So, his job will be paying the ticket we just have to pick him up on Fri. and take him back on Sun. It just couldn't be any better. And now that he knows how close we are to his CA office we are sure to see more of him.
I gave Thanh his card and told him that I had a present for him, he looked over at me and I held up a sign that had Todd's name on it. I swear he had tears in his eyes. So the fact that we were hungry didn't really matter, because he was so excited about hanging out with Todd. I did good this year, now I have Mahala's Birthday next. Yipeeeeeeee!!! I love surprising my family. Seeing their face light up and watching their eyes shimmer with delight is priceless.


My Life Your Life

It has been a week since I've written anything. This has been the longest week too. What have I been doing?

School has started and I don't even have all of my books yet. How can that be possible? In the land of Manic Momma anything is possible I guess. So success has not been lurking in our classroom. We have started on a novel and Spelling assignments. We started out German lessons yesterday. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell ya. I don't have enough to do, so I decided to add German to our curriculum this year. LOL!!! We are actually excited about it. My father was part German and I thought it would be cool to dig a little deeper into the German culture. Anna also knows German, so while she is here I thought we could use her knowledge as well.

Gymnastics.....Oh how Mahala LOVES the sport. And listen here when I tell you that she is pretty damn good at it too. She has Never been interested in any sport. She didn't even watch the Olympics. So I have never pushed a sport on her, why make a fuss I always thought. Her instructor last night told me she was a natural and with her determination she thought she could make team. WOW, that sounds cool. So for an hour and a half I sit on the sidelines in aw as my baby girl tumbles, stretches and glides across the balance beam. And to make life even more of a joy Skylar is doing it too. Yep, you read right. Last week I asked him to sign up for at least the free class. And reluctantly he did, I had to push him out onto the mat. After class he was so excited and the instructor told me they were moving him up to a level 4. We can then decide if we would like to put him on a team or not. Level 4 begins the competitive level, but you can choose to stay recreational if you want to.

Thanh's Birthday is Wednesday. But, tonight I am surprising him with dinner. I have an extra something that I am going to surprise him with too. I can't say right now. He may read this and I can't let him find out until tonight. HE HE HEEEEE.