I have turned this situation into much more then it has to be I'm sure in my he. Meaning that I think mentally I am that 12 year old little girl trying to save her sick Mother. I failed back then and I can't fail now. Now, I know this is all crazy talk and I could not physically save my Mom way back then. But, that is what I actually believed when I was a young girl. Kind of like if I clean my room, do all my homework and wash the dishes I can go hang out wit my friends mentality. I knew that if I gave my Mom all her meds precisely the right amount and on a schedule she would get better. If the house smelled like the inside of a Lysol can and pine trees she would live. It says all hospitals trust it right on the can. I tucked her in each night, even fluffed her pillow. It made me feel better when she did that for me. I made sure to give balanced meals, even if she couldn't eat and fresh water glasses every 20 minutes. Fresh was better, it would heal her. She could then be my Mom again.
I was so angry when she died, what did I mess up on, what more could I have done. I FAILED!!!!! I