The Pain of Beauty

Every since Kaden's scare a few days ago I have been feeling pretty sick. Whenever I aggravate my Lupus it flares up and decides to make me regret waking up in the morning. Luckily it's only mild. I basically feel like I've got a bad flu. I can't raise my hands above my head, but for a moment. My head is dizzy along with a headache. I keep having sweats and hot flashes. Fatigue, along with weak muscles and heavy feeling arms and legs don't mix well. This has been going on since Thursday morning. I know it's because I ran across the parking lot. But, what can you do? And all the text books say to rest and relax. What world are they living in? They must not have kids. :-)
Last night I was up until nearly 5:30 this morning. My body was in so much pain and my mind was racing that I honestly thought I could have exploded. I went outside and looked up into the night sky. It was beautiful and majestic. So untouched by the world. Who knows, one day we may look up and see billboards and cars causing traffic. There could be building pods....who knows. But, last night it was beautiful and untouched. I was in so much pain, but surrounded with beauty and mystery that my mind shifted to happier times. Just like I always pray for. God give me strength to get through another day, another night. Take my mind off of the pain and the here and now. Let me focus on the people and things that Bless me.
I started to think back to my Dad. The day he died I was looking for Mom's clothes to wear to the hospital. I found a telescope. It was my Dad's last Christmas gift he had ever bought me. He loved the night sky. I remember he would joke with me about why the stars twinkle. He explained that the stars were actually small wholes in Heaven's ground. That the twinkling appeared after someone walked over one of those wholes. WOW, I used to think.
After he died I would look up and wonder if he was up there walking around over our house that night.
Finally I was able to go to sleep because I couldn't hold my eyes open anymore. I drifted off into the pain. I woke up with Kaden crawling over my head, it was 9:30. I sat up in bed only to realize today was going to be another sick day for me.
I'll pray today that tomorrow will be another day of beauty for me to enjoy.
I can't wait.


  1. So sorry you are not feeling well! I will be praying for you. I hope you have a great week!==Renee

  2. That was a very sad but beautiful post. Especially the part about your dad. I am praying for you!

  3. it was very sad.but that is beauty spot.i will praying for you.