She put the pillow over my face......

When my parents died I stayed with a cousin for a short time in Florida until school was out and then I stayed with a family friend until all Hell broke loose. (more on that later)

The night I was placed in the Foster care system was a night I will never forget.
I was a scared child with a heart so filled with guilt and sadness that I hardly even sounded like a child. I didn't look like a child. I was a child, a child that had a story. And this story she wanted to share but who would listen? Who cared? Who would save her?

This is my story and I am ready to share. It is a dark, scary road. But it is my road.

The night I was placed in foster care it was cold. I had been to the movies with Kathy and a friend of mine. I will call her Red. Red and I were great friends. You will hear a ton about Red in upcoming posts. We were "sad" buddies. Our lives sucked so we enjoyed what we could about life together. We went to Kmart after the movies and Red bought a pack of cigarettes. After shopping we were leaving and Kathy saw Red's cigs. She accused her of stealing them. Red had a freakin receipt. Kathy was ranting and screaming. Kathy took her home and I started arguing about her about accusing Red. And remember I was 14, friends are everything.
We got home and Kathy had a nervous break down. She had freaked out on me before but this time was different. She started telling me how my family didn't want me and how lucky I was that she even took me in. She started throwing things at me as she screamed at how stupid I was. Why?? I kept screaming. Why are you doing this to me? Her husband tried to calm her down but she kept on. I sat on my bed as she covered my face with pillows and hit me. Her husband called the police and when they got there she left and I locked my door. I remember praying to God asking why, why is this happening. I begged to die, I didn't want to exist anymore.
The police tried to come into my room and after I wouldn't let them in they called Child protective services. While they were on the phone they asked if they removed Kathy if I would come to the phone. I agreed. As I answered the ladies questions I could hear Kathy screaming. She stormed into the kitchen and took the phone from me and beat me repeatedly in the face and shoulders.
An hour or so passed with paper work and such. They hauled her off and Richard was so sad, he loved me I knew it. She loved me too, I don't know to this day what happened to cause her to spin out of control.
All I had was a backpack filled with clothes and a tooth brush as we backed out of the driveway to head towards safety. Lord please give me peace, please.


  1. Oh my! I just don't know what to say except I am so sorry that such a thing happened to you. It was frightening just reading it. Thank you for sharing a part of your life. I'ill never understand how an adult could treat a child in such a way. You have the opportunity to reach a lot of young girls now though! Do you ever get the opportunity? Your blog is an opportunity at least. God always turns bad things in to good things somehow. Beauty for ashes & all...I'm thankful to have met you & your blog!

  2. Thank you so very much. I was worried that maybe it might be too much. I have always wanted to write a book. I have a story to tell & if it helps only one person that would be amazing. Maybe some day I can write that book. Thanks for being there for me. I hope you will stay for the whole story.

  3. wow, this is sad and I can imagine the feelings writing and reliving it stirs up! It should help to get it out and hopefully you will get a lot of cyber hugs to help you deal and heal!

  4. Oh my goodness...I had no idea how much we have in common. I was a foster child too. Had a very crazy life as a kid. I'm actually starting to compile some notes so that I can write a memoir about my time w/my biological mother (before foster care) and then being placed in foster care.

    I understand (some of) your pain, and I am sending you my very best, sister-friend. Keep writing! I know it helps me. :)

  5. Thank you for sharing your story, Manic Mom. I look forward to hearing about your journey...