7.17.2008

I Killed my Parents part 2

I killed my parents part 2

I followed Momma down the hall. She knelt down to Daddy.
Momma: Fred, what's the matter?
Dad: I don't know, I'm all sweaty & dizzy. I just don't feel so good.
Momma: Did you eat something bad?
Dad: I don't think so.
Momma: What can I do? What can I get you?
Dad: I think you need to go get Terry.
Terry was our friend that lived next door. He was a paramedic & he & his wife had watched me a few times when Mom & Dad were at the Doctor's office. Momma told me to hurry as fast as I could. Now I just have to explain that their house was right next door. But, it seemed to have taken FOREVER to get there. And while I was running a million things ran through my mind. It all depended on me right now. I was the one to save him. In my mind it made perfect sense.
I ran up to the door & pounded as loud as I possibly could. I even rang the door bell. I figured now was not the time to play polite. Terry opened the door a little miffed at who the hell is at his door so early in the morning.
Terry: Sheila? Honey what's the matter, is it your Mom? Is she ok?
Me: Mom's fine it's Daddy...You have to come RIGHT NOW!
I grabbed at his arm and tugged. I saw Kim out of the corner of my eye as I hopped off the porch with him in tow. We didn't even speak at we crossed yards.
When we got there Momma was talking to Daddy.
Momma: You know I can't remember phone numbers.
Daddy: That's ok it's *******.
I watched Momma hobble to the phone shaking like a leaf. She called an aunt and the preacher. We want to believe Daddy wasn't feeling much pain as he rattled off numerous phone numbers for Momma to call. He wanted the preacher there, I couldn't understand.
Terry called for an ambulance and while we waited Terry laid Daddy down on the ground. I like a child that I was started running up and down the hallway screaming. Screaming!!! I still remember the stomach ache I felt, the loss of control.
My aunt and the Preacher arrived and the preacher talked with my Dad. I for the life of me can not remember what was said. After the paramedics came the preacher came into the room and prayed with me. I remember bits and pieces. I know I was screaming why and no and how can God do this! I remember trashing everything in my room and then crying. I later felt like maybe my outbursts caused God to take away Daddy. Like it was my punishment.
We walked back in the living room and my other aunt was there too. She was holding Momma back and they were strapping Dad to a board to transport him into the ambulance. Momma asked Terry to go with him and he did. Momma went to get clothes on and there I was standing in Our living room all alone. I was by myself, just me, our furnishings and a blood stain left on the floor. I remember wanting to keep that blood stain somehow. That was my Daddy's blood, his life. One of my aunts later cleaned it off of the carpet and I hated her for it. I felt like it was erasing what was left.
We got into my aunt's truck and I listened to them talk about how strong Dad is and he can get through anything. Blah, Blah, Blah. On the street before we would need to take to arrive at the hospital I felt this shiver. This sense of being touched, like something went though my body and left. It was Daddy, I swear it was. For the first time since I screamed and busted things up in my room I had something to say.
Me: Daddy's gone.
Momma: What?
Me: Daddy is dead Momma.
Momma: No he's not....Don't say that. Why would you say that?
She started screaming and crying. We arrived and rushed into the emergency room. We saw Terry and he walked over to us. The look on his face, the tears in his eyes said everything we needed to know. Momma felt faint and Terry had to hold her up and walk her to a chair. A nurse took me to a chair to and I turned my head and there they were. Daddy's legs. there he was just laying there with no life at all. Just an empty shell. All his memories gone. All his dreams and passions gone.
Me: There's Daddy.
Terry was upset that I had seen him laying on the bed like that. He prayed with me and Momma. I couldn't think of God. All I could think of that very moment was that my life had just changed. Just 2 hours before my Daddy woke me up and told me good job. He was supposed to watch me this morning at rehearsal. It was Holiday time, what about this summer. What about my first date, graduation. What's going to happen when I graduate or get married. Who is going to help me take care of Momma.

9 comments:

  1. My heart aches for you...for you at that young age. For you now.

    I'm so sorry.

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  2. Oh honey...this is such a tragic tale. I hope somehow pouring it out is helping.

    Peace to you.

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  3. I am so very sorry. I hope the process of writing this helps. I strongly believe in writing as therapy.

    Sending you a hug and some strength across the internet.

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  4. No one should have to go through something like that. I'm so sorry. Thank you for having the courage and cando to share this.

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  5. I'm so sorry. So much for you to deal with.

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  6. I don't even know what to say. I wish I could go back to that time and tell you everything you needed to hear...it breaks my heart.

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  7. You are a very talented and powerful writer. You are so clear and concise about putting your words into a vivid picture. You have brought me to tears and that is not easily done. I am glad that you are sharing all of this and hope that it is therapy for you. It certainly puts things into perspective for me.

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  8. I know how hard this is. I too watched my father die. But I was sort of prepared as he was sick for many years. HUGS GIRLY GIRL!!

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  9. I just got back from vacation so I know this is a little late.

    Hugs to you Sheila! That just brought tears to my eyes.

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