We always say that we will do xyz when we lose weight, get that new job position, have more money, more time or the kids are in school or out of the house. And sometimes we aren't given a choice, we are forced to do xyz out of circumstance.
My xyz was to grow Spiritually, I wanted
to know things. I wanted to experience inner peace or at least be in
the room with it minus Kung Fu Panda playing in the background. I just
figured one day I would get around to it. That it would become a
priority when there was a free spot in my schedule.
My first meditation experience was
almost like a roller coaster ride. It was full of highs, twists, turns
and at the end I floated on the effervescence of inner peace all day. I
was so surprised of the mind blowing theater system I obviously have
been toting around with me my whole life I had to call my therapist.
She confirmed I had a reel of unlimited tickets to my own personal
mental theater. Now, I have to tell you I have never studied
Meditation, Spirituality or anything really that would make me an expert
in anything I write here on this blog. These are just my own thoughts
and opinions. I have locked up my feelings and denied myself the
ability to share my thoughts and experiences because I knew I lacked
text book knowledge. That's part of my broke down core values I have
cleaved to since birth. But, through the Miracles I have experienced
this past year I have let those go, healed my heart and washed my soul.
This is why I can share my process with you now.
My first experience was pure
relaxation. It was just me, my eyelids and the night. Being my first
time I didn't use a mantra or chant anything special I just sat there
and breathed. I knew how to breathe, actually my therapist told me I
was a pro at breathing. In the beginning I didn't think it was much of a
compliment. But, now I know Breathing is life....all of life. It's
the difference between life and death. And before last year I wasn't
living...just existing. Ok back to the meditation....I looked forward
with my eyes closed. Because of my trauma therapy I had been doing for a
few months I was used to relaxation techniques by now. And my
favorable eye position(I will explain all of this later in another post)
was straight ahead, right between my eyebrows. And as I sat there and
breathed deeply and slowly I imagined white light entering my body with
every inhale. And the white light supported me and filled me with love
and awareness. When I exhaled I envisioned different negative words
that had filled my head my whole life. I was ready to let
As I was enveloped with warm fuzzy self
love I noticed something shoot across my line of vision...my closed eye
vision. I focused on it for a breath and then all of a sudden I noticed
my view widening to see not just one little dot, but thousands. And I
saw a bright blue, glowing ring at my right side. It felt like I was
in a warm bath, I had nothing but peace and childlike feelings of
bliss. I thought Wow, this is really happening! As I continued taking
in the love and light a glittery, gold shimmering wave filled the sky I
had developed on the inside of my eyelids. I formed pictures and
patterns. I saw this huge Tiger and it looked as if it was trying to
comfort me. I felt a sense of kinship with him, there was love in his
eyes. Protection in the Tiger's movements....I was thinking really this
is happening? I could have stayed in this place for days, it felt like
there was no time there only pure joy and fulfillment.
With several more deep breaths I opened
my eyes. I was instantly aware that my skin was warm to the touch, even
sweating a bit. There was a tingling sensation around my head and my
arms. I remembered vividly what just happened it was an experience not a
dream. I went to write my experience down and I looked at the clock.
More then 5 hours had passed, I thought it was 20 minutes at most. I
was shocked to realize how much time had passed.
What an experience....I at first thought
how can people do this every single day and get anything else done. I
honestly thought everyone had this kind of experience right out of the
gate. But, not everyone does. Meditation for me is a daily thing,
twice a day you will find me soaring through the stars in my head. Not 5
hour long trips all the time. Sometimes it's a Blessed deep connection
with God and I'm focused on scripture or my daily mantra. So many
options, so many outcomes that all begin with just one breath!