I'm back and I'm at the gym with my new toy....life is good. Mahala is flipping and sprawled out all over the place. She's so beautiful even with one butt cheek showing and hair flying all over the place. She's like her mother, an OX! My Dad used to say that I was a bull in a china closet. I heard that almost everyday. God rest his soul, Thanh tells me the same thing sometimes and he never even met my Daddy. So, I guess that says a lot about me, right?
Mahala is tough though, nothing phases her....nothing. She is so strong minded and determined with everything. Somethings are just supposed to be simple I tell her. And lately on top of the I will kill you if you touch or look at me stage, she crys a lot. I feel so sad for her, because she will not open up to me. Skylar talks to me if his hair looks different then the day before. I hear about all things Skylar, nothing goes through his head that doesn't pass through my ears at some point. God love him. With Skylar we talked about everything, we were connected and no topic was closed. He felt comfortable. And this is what I would like to be able to offer Mahala.
I've started talking to her about older girl issues. She's interested and wants to learn, but there is this look of non emotion. Is that a word? I swear she could probably start her period, go purchase her own girly things and never tell me.
I never had a preteen relationship with my parents, so this is all new territory for me. Most of my foster parents didn't really try to parent or connect with me in a family way. And the different group homes treated us all as a community, not really individuals.
I'm babbling, I know. But, it's on my heart tonight. My little acorn is hard to crack. But, I'm thinking maybe she doesn't need to be cracked open. At least not until she's ready. I'll pray about it.