Today has been interesting. I woke up to a cold house and dogie pooooooooo everywhere. Yipee, right? I had a Dr. appointment at 9:30. I was running late as usual. So I grabbed Skylar out of the bed(couch) so I could drive in the car pool lane. Yes, I did do that. And you would to if you were going to have to sit in traffic and be late to my Rhummy's appointment. She is like GODZILLA, I swear she enjoys it when your in pain. LOL
I am now home, wondering what I am going to do now that I have received not so good news from the Rhummy. I do have fluid in my lungs and she says that the Lupus devil has now invaded my heart. Well, of course it has! I am so at a point right now that life couldn't get too much worse. I have my family, right? Nobody can take that away. Right now I am contemplating going to the ER or waiting to see my primary. How it was explained to me by my Rhummy and her side kick Rhummy was that it's like I'm having a non-terminal heart attack with every heart beat. That sounds fun. Kids, don't try this at home. The rest was like BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. Yes, it almost sounded like that to me. I will keep posting as I learn more info.
It's funny how no matter how you feel mentally or what your plans for the day are, your body has it's own agenda. It does what it wants to. You can only do what you can do, to be as healthy and positive as possible. I have a week full of things to do and if my body says nope, your in the bed this week. Well, then there you go. It used to bother me when my Mom was sick. Because I thought she had a choice. Like maybe she was making excuses because she didn't want to go here or there. She didn't want to play a game with me or watch me ride my bike. And then when she died I wondered why she didn't take better care of herself. Why didn't she try harder, why didn't she love me more. These are the questions of an 11 year old girl. Now as a Mom I understand the struggle. I understand the fight inside that my Mom must have felt everyday, every time she had to tell me no. I have to tell my kids no several times a day. Most nights I can't tuck them in, they tuck Mom in. It's embarrassing, my Mom must have felt that embarrassment too.
She died so young and I know she fought a hard battle. I pray that God numbered my days high, so I can see not only my kids grow but my grand kids too. People often ask me how I get through all the pain of having Lupus. I do live with pain daily, not a day has gone by since March of 2004 that has not been filled with pain. Pain reminds me that I'm alive, I have another day with my family. And that I am thankful for.